Maybe they can't hear
The hushed whispers of lovers
On an early morning
[so early the sun has not yet
warmed the Earth
or graced our faces with the rays
that bring us to life].
Or maybe they can
and that's fine by me, darling.
Maybe they can't see
The fire you put into my eyes
Or the passion you ignite in my heart
Or the whiteness of my knuckles
[like the inside of an apple
the virgin whiteness
so pure and sweet
so delicious
so sinful, so pure
much like myself, or you
or both us before we found each other].
Or maybe they can,
and their eyes have been opened.
Maybe they can't sense
the love that burns between us
The fire in your eyes
or the passion in my heart,
or the sound of our voices as we whisper
the words that we all long to hear
[like light music
like the right lyrics
that float over the speakers
and land in your heart
and make a place there,
much like I have done].
Or maybe they can.
Because we want the world to know.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Blog About Love
I met Chris my first night at Insomnia Cookies, something along the lines of 9/7/09. 9/15/09, I hooked up with Chris.
Almost two months have passed, and now I have fallen for Chris.
I cannot truly describe the things this boy has done for me. Sure, there's the Chinese runs and the Marlboro menthols and the sex, but there's also the deep conversations, the hand-holding, the cuddling, and the hours of sleep we've lost together. He has become a friend, a confidante, and the one I talk to when I need support. He has become something I am hesitant to label, but I know he is something I cherish deeply.
We are now officially going on a date on Saturday, and things will hopefully fall into place from there. I have longed for this for a while, and I am scared to get this. I do not want to mess this up, at all.
Sigh.
I am corny sometimes.
Almost two months have passed, and now I have fallen for Chris.
I cannot truly describe the things this boy has done for me. Sure, there's the Chinese runs and the Marlboro menthols and the sex, but there's also the deep conversations, the hand-holding, the cuddling, and the hours of sleep we've lost together. He has become a friend, a confidante, and the one I talk to when I need support. He has become something I am hesitant to label, but I know he is something I cherish deeply.
We are now officially going on a date on Saturday, and things will hopefully fall into place from there. I have longed for this for a while, and I am scared to get this. I do not want to mess this up, at all.
Sigh.
I am corny sometimes.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Memoirs of a Bookworm
It seemed like some sick reality show challenge: You're let loose in Barnes + Noble for an hour, and you're allowed to pick out two to three books to be bought for you.
My reaction: A combination of YAY and OMG.
Here's why:
Counting the number of books I have is an infinite task - there's no doubt that I own at least 100, all of which I have read at least twice. I also rummage through my mother, sister, and father's book collections when I am looking for new material. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a bona fide bookworm. I'm at my happiest when I'm listening to music and reading a good book, sitting outside enjoying the sunshine and reading a good book, or just chilling in my living room and reading a good book. So, after my mother watched me read parts of "Hard Love" [by Ellen Wittlinger] for about the 187th time tonight, she said that if I drove her to PetSmart for cat food, she'd take me to Barnes + Noble for some new material.
Well, of course I was ecstatic. Letting someone like me loose in a bookstore - even if for an hour [or, a little more, as it turned out] - is like letting a heroin addict use heroin after being clean. It's an exhilarating rush - thousands of beautiful, unread books lie before me. I instantly get happy, but not soon after, a look of intense concentration comes over me as I prowl the aisles like a hunter stalking my prey. I usually don't even know where to start. Tonight, I headed back to the Fiction + Literature section, which is too vast for me without a goal, but also fun for some aimless wandering. After my aimlessness was over, I found myself drawn to the Sci-Fi + Fantasy section, just to price the beloved J.R.R. Tolkien "Lord of the Rings" series. And, although these four books weren't my purchase of the evening, I'll get around to them soon enough.
At this point, I was in a sticky situation. I only had about forty minutes of browsing time left, and I knew I'd be pushing it, as I always was in bookstores. So, I headed to the front of the store, to the bargain section. The bargain section always depresses me in some way - it's sort of like the SPCA of the bookstore. It's books that no one else really wants, so they're marked down and shown off, so hopefully someone will rescue them from their sad existence. It was here that I found tonight's treasures. I probably looked like I had some weird form of OCD - walking up and down the aisles multiple times, scanning the shelves from top to bottom. However, after some serious browsing - and several "Hurry your ass up" looks from my mother, I found my prizes. "The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets" by Eva Rice, and "Forgive Me" by Amanda Eyre Ward. Both unknown authors to me, and unknown books as well. And, of course, I cannot wait to devour them both - such is my project for tomorrow to start "Forgive Me".
So why am I such a bookworm? What is it about books that drag me in?
I've always lost myself in books. I remember reading at a young age - somewhere around three or four, and I was always reading far beyond my reading level. We took a test in seventh grade, and it showed that I was reading beyond a twelfth grade reading level. The complexities of books captivate me everytime, and there has never been a book that I have truly hated - though some of them [and here I am alluding to most of the books I had to read in Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition] I could have done without.
Books have helped me grow as a person. The stories I have learned help me to understand life and people better. They have caused as much self-examination as the examination of the story and the characters lives. Books are beautiful. They are an extension of the person that has written them. They are stories shown to the world by a brave soul. And the possibilities they provide are endless.
Reading as avidly as I have has also helped me grow as a writer. It is no secret that I am an aspiring novelist, and with every book I read - no matter how silly it is [yes, even as silly as Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"] - I feel as though I learn one more secret to succeeding as an author.
So, some may find it "nerdy" to be able to spend 6 or 8 hours in a bookstore. But it's my idea of a good day. And when I get out of that store - with new novels and a slight headache due to staring at all that print - I know I will be happy, at least for a little while.
Aren't we all striving for happiness anyway?
A sincere bookworm,
Kerry
My reaction: A combination of YAY and OMG.
Here's why:
Counting the number of books I have is an infinite task - there's no doubt that I own at least 100, all of which I have read at least twice. I also rummage through my mother, sister, and father's book collections when I am looking for new material. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a bona fide bookworm. I'm at my happiest when I'm listening to music and reading a good book, sitting outside enjoying the sunshine and reading a good book, or just chilling in my living room and reading a good book. So, after my mother watched me read parts of "Hard Love" [by Ellen Wittlinger] for about the 187th time tonight, she said that if I drove her to PetSmart for cat food, she'd take me to Barnes + Noble for some new material.
Well, of course I was ecstatic. Letting someone like me loose in a bookstore - even if for an hour [or, a little more, as it turned out] - is like letting a heroin addict use heroin after being clean. It's an exhilarating rush - thousands of beautiful, unread books lie before me. I instantly get happy, but not soon after, a look of intense concentration comes over me as I prowl the aisles like a hunter stalking my prey. I usually don't even know where to start. Tonight, I headed back to the Fiction + Literature section, which is too vast for me without a goal, but also fun for some aimless wandering. After my aimlessness was over, I found myself drawn to the Sci-Fi + Fantasy section, just to price the beloved J.R.R. Tolkien "Lord of the Rings" series. And, although these four books weren't my purchase of the evening, I'll get around to them soon enough.
At this point, I was in a sticky situation. I only had about forty minutes of browsing time left, and I knew I'd be pushing it, as I always was in bookstores. So, I headed to the front of the store, to the bargain section. The bargain section always depresses me in some way - it's sort of like the SPCA of the bookstore. It's books that no one else really wants, so they're marked down and shown off, so hopefully someone will rescue them from their sad existence. It was here that I found tonight's treasures. I probably looked like I had some weird form of OCD - walking up and down the aisles multiple times, scanning the shelves from top to bottom. However, after some serious browsing - and several "Hurry your ass up" looks from my mother, I found my prizes. "The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets" by Eva Rice, and "Forgive Me" by Amanda Eyre Ward. Both unknown authors to me, and unknown books as well. And, of course, I cannot wait to devour them both - such is my project for tomorrow to start "Forgive Me".
So why am I such a bookworm? What is it about books that drag me in?
I've always lost myself in books. I remember reading at a young age - somewhere around three or four, and I was always reading far beyond my reading level. We took a test in seventh grade, and it showed that I was reading beyond a twelfth grade reading level. The complexities of books captivate me everytime, and there has never been a book that I have truly hated - though some of them [and here I am alluding to most of the books I had to read in Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition] I could have done without.
Books have helped me grow as a person. The stories I have learned help me to understand life and people better. They have caused as much self-examination as the examination of the story and the characters lives. Books are beautiful. They are an extension of the person that has written them. They are stories shown to the world by a brave soul. And the possibilities they provide are endless.
Reading as avidly as I have has also helped me grow as a writer. It is no secret that I am an aspiring novelist, and with every book I read - no matter how silly it is [yes, even as silly as Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"] - I feel as though I learn one more secret to succeeding as an author.
So, some may find it "nerdy" to be able to spend 6 or 8 hours in a bookstore. But it's my idea of a good day. And when I get out of that store - with new novels and a slight headache due to staring at all that print - I know I will be happy, at least for a little while.
Aren't we all striving for happiness anyway?
A sincere bookworm,
Kerry
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Updates...
I'm home from college..
-I'm working on finishing my ruminations blogs.
-I don't have a job. Therefore, I have no money. Therefore, I have no fun.
-I miss my friends more than I could possibly say.
-I got my summer reading list together.
-I repierced my lip.
-Novel? Not progressing.
-I wanna ride a roller coaster.
Issue on my mind right now:
I was supposed to go to Reading on June 12th to stay with my dad and visit Kerry. All of a sudden, it's not happening. I'm more than a little pissed/upset about this, but I'm trying to figure out a way to make it work.
That's all.
xo,
-k
-I'm working on finishing my ruminations blogs.
-I don't have a job. Therefore, I have no money. Therefore, I have no fun.
-I miss my friends more than I could possibly say.
-I got my summer reading list together.
-I repierced my lip.
-Novel? Not progressing.
-I wanna ride a roller coaster.
Issue on my mind right now:
I was supposed to go to Reading on June 12th to stay with my dad and visit Kerry. All of a sudden, it's not happening. I'm more than a little pissed/upset about this, but I'm trying to figure out a way to make it work.
That's all.
xo,
-k
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Rumination 2 :) - Limitations
So, I'm sitting here, knowing that I have to do something here. It's only thirteen days until move out...thirteen days til I bid Hardwick Hall a bittersweet farewell. I'll almost miss the piercing sound of a fire alarm waking me up from a sound sleep (jk). I will, however, miss the nights like this. The nights when 1 am seems ridiculously early. The nights when caffeine keeps me alive.
I've tested my limits at college. In more ways than I ever have, and in more ways then I probably should have done. I've pulled countless all-nighters, gave binge drinking a new meaning, bottled up so many emotions that I eventually exploded, and procrastinated - a lot. I have pushed myself so hard and so fast that I can barely believe I'm getting out of my freshman year in one piece - and sometimes I was held together with stitches ;).
Honestly, I can't even keep writing about this WITHOUT going back to my previous rumination on friendship. Because, honestly, my friends are the ones who have gotten me through all of this craziness. They made sure I was safe - but they didn't push hard when I needed to be left alone.
This is honestly going to be a short rumination, but the one thing I can say is that I have learned so much about myself this year - that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, and that I have the capability to rule the world.
And had I not pushed myself so hard, I wouldn't know that today.
XO,
-k
I've tested my limits at college. In more ways than I ever have, and in more ways then I probably should have done. I've pulled countless all-nighters, gave binge drinking a new meaning, bottled up so many emotions that I eventually exploded, and procrastinated - a lot. I have pushed myself so hard and so fast that I can barely believe I'm getting out of my freshman year in one piece - and sometimes I was held together with stitches ;).
Honestly, I can't even keep writing about this WITHOUT going back to my previous rumination on friendship. Because, honestly, my friends are the ones who have gotten me through all of this craziness. They made sure I was safe - but they didn't push hard when I needed to be left alone.
This is honestly going to be a short rumination, but the one thing I can say is that I have learned so much about myself this year - that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, and that I have the capability to rule the world.
And had I not pushed myself so hard, I wouldn't know that today.
XO,
-k
Monday, April 13, 2009
Rumination 1 - Friendship
Here it is again - Kerry's Ruminations on Freshman Year. This particular entry focuses on friendship. The friends I made - starting all the way back at Summer orientation - the friends I lost, and the friends that I consider my "crew" at Temple - the ones I can fall back on, the ones that love me unconditionally, and the friends that I definitely consider my best.
When I first came to Temple on June 30, 2008 for orientation, I was pretty much scared shitless. When I say I knew no one, I meant it. Not one single person. As my dad stood back with my luggage, I stood in line to register and get my room key and such. And I began to talk to people. I don't remember everyone's names and faces to this day, but I do know that they were my first friends at Temple, and we hung out for all of orientation. And, although we're not close anymore, I still remember the ones who I saw the most. Sunia, who was my suitemate. Justin, who is by far one of the most talented people I have ever met, though I don't think he gives himself enough credit. Beth and Marissa - NEPA Girls <3 - who are two extremely cool, extremely rockin' chicks. And all of the other people I talked to during orientation. They showed me that I wouldn't be alone at Temple. Even if we didn't remain friends, I was confident that I could make them.
I don't think I could truly write an entry on friendship without mentioning my roommate Rebecca. She's had to deal with a lot from me this year. Crazy math classes, my seeming inability to clean, my strange sleeping habits, my minor mental breakdowns, and my general craziness. And she has managed to make it through with me. We are definitely friends - better yet, sisters, since she joined up AEPhi this semester - and I'll never forget her. She's totally amazing.
So now there's my crew. The people here I'd kill and die for, anytime. These people know me better than I know myself, and they can always get me through the worst of times - and they can laugh with me while I'm having an amazing time. Individually now...
Amber - This girl is by far the craziest chick I've met at Temple. She knows how to have fun, and she loves to have fun with me. We have an amazing time together - 7-11 runs at 3 am, meeting new friends in the fourth floor hallway, hanging at The Reel because we're too poor to afford the real movie theater, terrorizing the Hardwick residents, and generally, just having fun. As much as we annoy each other, I love her to death. We are definitely great friends.
Emad - Oh man, THAT BOY. He drives me totally crazy. We have a love-hate abusive relationship - and I have the scars to prove it. But, in addition, we have a ton in common. We can both hold our liquor like you wouldn't believe. We are totally crazy people. We could probably date, if he liked girls. But, then again, I don't think I could actually deal with him. He makes me smile like crazy, and I love hanging around with him. He's an amazing guy, and I'm going to miss him like crazy, since he's graduating this year :(.
Kristin - AKA My RA. It's so weird to be good friends with your RA - apparently - but Kristin and I are hella close. We're both extremely sarcastic, so I guess people can never tell when we're actually being mean to each other - never -and when we're not - always. I absolutely love her. She's a great person to talk to, and also, a great reality check when I need it. I'll miss her like crazy over the summer.
Sorority Girls - I never truly understood what kinds of bonds I would make in this sorority until I made them. I have made amazing friends through AEPhi. If I had time to go through and list why I loved every single girl, I'd be here for days. Just trust me when I say I'd kill and die for any of them. In a heartbeat. Know why? Because they're my sisters. <3
Last but DEFINITELY not least, Kerry - When I say this girl is my other half, I mean that we were probably born as conjoined twins and separated. I absolutely love her with my entire heart. Right now, it's been three days since I've seen her and I feel so empty. She completely understands every silly little emotion I experience. We can watch the same TV show for ten straight hours and not get bored. We're not dating, but people always seem to think we are. I admire her, adore her, love her, and would do absolutely anything for her. We can talk for hours - but it seems like minutes. And yeah, we can get a little loud, but that's only because we are so comfortable being ourselves around each other. I feel like she has truly completed me. She's gotten me in touch with a side of me I've never really experienced. I have learned so much from her and gained a totally different perspective on life because of her. No matter what happens between us I will always love her and appreciate everything she has done for me. <3333
So college friendship, for me, is a lot more intense than friendships I've had in the past. We live together, love together, cry together, and exist together. We are all interconnected, and our lives intertwine perfectly. We are the pieces of a puzzle, and we complete each other and find new parts of ourselves. We go through this whole confusing mess together, and we come out together, holding hands and standing on top of the world. From the friends I have made - those listed here and those not - I have learned far more than I can comprehend or appreciate right now. But believe me when I say, the friendships I have have made this year what it is.
This poem describes how I feel about my friends here - I carry them with me, and when we are apart, I fear nothing.
"i carry your heart with me" - ee cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has only meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret no one will ever know
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or the mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
xo,
-k
When I first came to Temple on June 30, 2008 for orientation, I was pretty much scared shitless. When I say I knew no one, I meant it. Not one single person. As my dad stood back with my luggage, I stood in line to register and get my room key and such. And I began to talk to people. I don't remember everyone's names and faces to this day, but I do know that they were my first friends at Temple, and we hung out for all of orientation. And, although we're not close anymore, I still remember the ones who I saw the most. Sunia, who was my suitemate. Justin, who is by far one of the most talented people I have ever met, though I don't think he gives himself enough credit. Beth and Marissa - NEPA Girls <3 - who are two extremely cool, extremely rockin' chicks. And all of the other people I talked to during orientation. They showed me that I wouldn't be alone at Temple. Even if we didn't remain friends, I was confident that I could make them.
I don't think I could truly write an entry on friendship without mentioning my roommate Rebecca. She's had to deal with a lot from me this year. Crazy math classes, my seeming inability to clean, my strange sleeping habits, my minor mental breakdowns, and my general craziness. And she has managed to make it through with me. We are definitely friends - better yet, sisters, since she joined up AEPhi this semester - and I'll never forget her. She's totally amazing.
So now there's my crew. The people here I'd kill and die for, anytime. These people know me better than I know myself, and they can always get me through the worst of times - and they can laugh with me while I'm having an amazing time. Individually now...
Amber - This girl is by far the craziest chick I've met at Temple. She knows how to have fun, and she loves to have fun with me. We have an amazing time together - 7-11 runs at 3 am, meeting new friends in the fourth floor hallway, hanging at The Reel because we're too poor to afford the real movie theater, terrorizing the Hardwick residents, and generally, just having fun. As much as we annoy each other, I love her to death. We are definitely great friends.
Emad - Oh man, THAT BOY. He drives me totally crazy. We have a love-hate abusive relationship - and I have the scars to prove it. But, in addition, we have a ton in common. We can both hold our liquor like you wouldn't believe. We are totally crazy people. We could probably date, if he liked girls. But, then again, I don't think I could actually deal with him. He makes me smile like crazy, and I love hanging around with him. He's an amazing guy, and I'm going to miss him like crazy, since he's graduating this year :(.
Kristin - AKA My RA. It's so weird to be good friends with your RA - apparently - but Kristin and I are hella close. We're both extremely sarcastic, so I guess people can never tell when we're actually being mean to each other - never -and when we're not - always. I absolutely love her. She's a great person to talk to, and also, a great reality check when I need it. I'll miss her like crazy over the summer.
Sorority Girls - I never truly understood what kinds of bonds I would make in this sorority until I made them. I have made amazing friends through AEPhi. If I had time to go through and list why I loved every single girl, I'd be here for days. Just trust me when I say I'd kill and die for any of them. In a heartbeat. Know why? Because they're my sisters. <3
Last but DEFINITELY not least, Kerry - When I say this girl is my other half, I mean that we were probably born as conjoined twins and separated. I absolutely love her with my entire heart. Right now, it's been three days since I've seen her and I feel so empty. She completely understands every silly little emotion I experience. We can watch the same TV show for ten straight hours and not get bored. We're not dating, but people always seem to think we are. I admire her, adore her, love her, and would do absolutely anything for her. We can talk for hours - but it seems like minutes. And yeah, we can get a little loud, but that's only because we are so comfortable being ourselves around each other. I feel like she has truly completed me. She's gotten me in touch with a side of me I've never really experienced. I have learned so much from her and gained a totally different perspective on life because of her. No matter what happens between us I will always love her and appreciate everything she has done for me. <3333
So college friendship, for me, is a lot more intense than friendships I've had in the past. We live together, love together, cry together, and exist together. We are all interconnected, and our lives intertwine perfectly. We are the pieces of a puzzle, and we complete each other and find new parts of ourselves. We go through this whole confusing mess together, and we come out together, holding hands and standing on top of the world. From the friends I have made - those listed here and those not - I have learned far more than I can comprehend or appreciate right now. But believe me when I say, the friendships I have have made this year what it is.
This poem describes how I feel about my friends here - I carry them with me, and when we are apart, I fear nothing.
"i carry your heart with me" - ee cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has only meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret no one will ever know
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or the mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
xo,
-k
Monday, April 6, 2009
Freshman Year: Ruminations
Today is April 6, 2009. In 37 short days, I will move out of Room 460, Hardwick Hall. I will go home for the summer with teary eyes, a heavy heart, and a shitload of memories of the best year of my life, that being my freshman year at Temple University. I've learned so much this year - in the classroom, yeah, but the most valuable lessons have taken place outside the class. I have learned so much about myself and about others. And I have met the best friends I have ever had - and the best friends I ever will have. The friends that I can go to 7-11 with at any time of day. The friends that I can sing Kelly Clarkson with on Liacorous Walk and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. The friends I can tell ANYTHING to. The friends who get me to quit smoking because they don't want to see me doing something harmful. The friends who don't stop me from going out, but just tell me to be careful and that they love me. There is a novel or two I could right about each of them, but I won't do that. Just trust me when I say I love them, always have, always will.
I don't even know what to write right now. This is going to be a multi-part thing. So here we go...consider this an intro. All through April and early May, my blog will be focusing on this alone. Bear with me....
xo,
K
I don't even know what to write right now. This is going to be a multi-part thing. So here we go...consider this an intro. All through April and early May, my blog will be focusing on this alone. Bear with me....
xo,
K
Monday, March 30, 2009
Updates, yo!
It's been a while, so here it is...
-I'm dieting with Kerry. Until Thursday, we're detoxing, which means we drink a shit ton of cranberry juice and water and eat nothing besides fruits and veggies. Woo for starvation!!!
-Kate Schaeffer is my new idol. I want to be like her when I grow up.
-I'm scared for the end of this year.
-Spring weather = <3
-I'm learning guitar!!!!
-My singing is getting better, I believe.
-I have no money, ever.
-I love Alpha Epsilon Phi.
-The TECH center is simultaneously my favorite and least favorite place on TU's campus.
-Hardwick is ALWAYS my favorite.
-I FOR REAL STARTED MY NOVEL. FOR-FREAKING-REAL.
-Spiders solitaire is my new addiction.
Le end.
xo,
-k
-I'm dieting with Kerry. Until Thursday, we're detoxing, which means we drink a shit ton of cranberry juice and water and eat nothing besides fruits and veggies. Woo for starvation!!!
-Kate Schaeffer is my new idol. I want to be like her when I grow up.
-I'm scared for the end of this year.
-Spring weather = <3
-I'm learning guitar!!!!
-My singing is getting better, I believe.
-I have no money, ever.
-I love Alpha Epsilon Phi.
-The TECH center is simultaneously my favorite and least favorite place on TU's campus.
-Hardwick is ALWAYS my favorite.
-I FOR REAL STARTED MY NOVEL. FOR-FREAKING-REAL.
-Spiders solitaire is my new addiction.
Le end.
xo,
-k
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Don't Tell Me That Your Friends are Better Than Mine
So you got free tickets to a couple of concerts, and that's why my friends are inferior to yours? Stuff like this always bothered me - the whole "my friends are better than yours" thing. Now, IDK if mine actually are better, but the things they've done have left a bigger impact than a couple of concert tickets would. You see, I have the kinds of friends who will sit in a dirty ass stairwell with me at 1 am because I need to cry. I've got the girl that'll run to Rite Aid with me at 1:30 for no reason at all. I've got the friends who will drag me to a movie when I'm sick at midnight, and I'll have a good time anyway, just because we're together. My friends and I can have conversations that last for hours, and when I glance at the clock, I think that there's no way that much time could have passed. We can watch the same TV show for hours and not get bored. I'll sleep on my friend's couch when I'm tired, even though my own room is only nine doors away, but whatever, at least we're together. I'll sit through a psychopathology lecture with my friend because we can laugh at the professor afterward. I've got the kind of friend that will laugh at me while I'm having a tattoo done, but then she'll go get me lollipops so I can bite through the pain. She's the girl who will let me drive around with her for hours and hours, speeding and breaking all sorts of laws and laughing about how much fun jail would be. Guess what? My friends don't need to get me free stuff to be my best friends. They're my best friends because they have a little piece of my heart, and my soul. They laugh with me when I'm laughing, they hold my head up when I cry, and they laugh when I walk into a wall and almost break my nose. I love my girls, and I wouldn't trade them away for anything...not even a free concert ticket to see my favorite band. So don't go around posting things that say "Proof that my friends are better than yours", because really, I've got the best friends I could have, and better yet, I've got the only ones I want.
That's all.
xo,
-k
That's all.
xo,
-k
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Why I'm Such a Mess
Okay, usually, I don't like to delve into too many specifics in my online blog. Due to the fact that this website isn't blocked at all and my blog is, for all intents and purposes, public domain, I contain my more personal vents and rants to my private journal, which I carry with me like a security blanket. But people have been asking me what's been going on lately - why I've been so messy. And while I can't blame my moods of the past couple weeks on one solid incident, I can blame this week on one. [No names will be mentioned in here. I haven't sunk that low.]
On Monday night/Tuesday morning, I found out a lot of things about some person. Number 1, she can't be trusted. I told her "sensitive" information about me in confidence, and she told another friends of ours. I was upset about this situation alone, but it gets worse because the information reached someone else - someone who dislikes me enough without having another reason to say shit about me. It's a hard-hitting topic with me, and it got me where it hurts.
Needless to say, this person and I aren't even speaking. I don't even know what to say to her right now. Every time I see her, I can't even bring myself to look her in the eye, let alone say anything to her. Things are icy cold right now, and I've got the power to stop this. But I don't think I will, not yet. I'm still really upset and angry, so it's not going to happen, at least not yet. I want her to prove that she's sorry before I forgive her.
That's all.
-K
On Monday night/Tuesday morning, I found out a lot of things about some person. Number 1, she can't be trusted. I told her "sensitive" information about me in confidence, and she told another friends of ours. I was upset about this situation alone, but it gets worse because the information reached someone else - someone who dislikes me enough without having another reason to say shit about me. It's a hard-hitting topic with me, and it got me where it hurts.
Needless to say, this person and I aren't even speaking. I don't even know what to say to her right now. Every time I see her, I can't even bring myself to look her in the eye, let alone say anything to her. Things are icy cold right now, and I've got the power to stop this. But I don't think I will, not yet. I'm still really upset and angry, so it's not going to happen, at least not yet. I want her to prove that she's sorry before I forgive her.
That's all.
-K
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Um, on Sadness...
So on 1/21 [I think] I wrote a blog about the feeling of sadness and how much I hate it. I'm ready to revisit this topic right now, and actually, I find it very fitting that I have chosen to go through my archives today of all days.
Now, let it be said that I am the type of person who holds very strong in her feelings on things, so for me to change an opinion of mine is extremely rare. However, last night I had an epiphany of sorts and came to several strong realizations.
1. Being a strong person is a good thing. Being weak, or in other terms, having a moment of weakness, does not make you any less of a person. In fact, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and to tear down your walls for a moment helps you. You become more of a person. In my opinion, anyway.
2. Sadness, like any other emotion, is healthy in moderation. Crying is not a bad thing. Sometimes, a nice mental breakdown is exactly what you need. Being a blubbering, crying mess every now and again is a good thing. Bottling things up is bad.
3. Having someone to rely on can generally make all the difference. As great as all my friends here are, I really seemed to be lacking a support system - someone who I could go to and cry and vent to and just be what I needed to be. Simply put, I was terrified of letting go. But then someone said to me: "You never have to be afraid around me". And I knew it was true. And suddenly, I wasn't afraid anymore.
So, I don't hate being sad anymore. I am accepting it as a normal, inevitable part of life. We will be sad just as we will be happy, angry, envious, or apathetic. So it goes.
XO,
Kerry
Now, let it be said that I am the type of person who holds very strong in her feelings on things, so for me to change an opinion of mine is extremely rare. However, last night I had an epiphany of sorts and came to several strong realizations.
1. Being a strong person is a good thing. Being weak, or in other terms, having a moment of weakness, does not make you any less of a person. In fact, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and to tear down your walls for a moment helps you. You become more of a person. In my opinion, anyway.
2. Sadness, like any other emotion, is healthy in moderation. Crying is not a bad thing. Sometimes, a nice mental breakdown is exactly what you need. Being a blubbering, crying mess every now and again is a good thing. Bottling things up is bad.
3. Having someone to rely on can generally make all the difference. As great as all my friends here are, I really seemed to be lacking a support system - someone who I could go to and cry and vent to and just be what I needed to be. Simply put, I was terrified of letting go. But then someone said to me: "You never have to be afraid around me". And I knew it was true. And suddenly, I wasn't afraid anymore.
So, I don't hate being sad anymore. I am accepting it as a normal, inevitable part of life. We will be sad just as we will be happy, angry, envious, or apathetic. So it goes.
XO,
Kerry
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Kerry Club
You think you know, but you have no idea!
So, at college, I met my other half, basically. Her name is Kerry. Coincidence? Hell no. But she brings out my kiddie side. Yanno, the side that rocks out to Dancing Queen and considers hardcore Bop It a form of exercise. We really don't go a day without seeing each other, and if we do, it's a big tackle hug the next day and an "OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!" And we're dead serious. We may be polar opposites personality wise, but I honestly love this girl to death. I'd kill for her, and she knows it. She keeps me down on Earth, and I keep her on her toes. Movie night, yeah, we have that like 4x a week. And don't get us started on musicals, Evanescence, or Wall-E, because we'll talk/sing your ears off. Yeah, we're kickass singers, but shhhhhh, we don't like to tell people. I've got this Wall-E toy right, and I keep him on my keychain. Well, when I went home this weekend, I gave him to her to babysit, and she knitted him a scarf because he was cold. And I found that perfectly acceptable, while everyone else was so "WTF?!". No, but really, we are cooler, prettier, awesomer, and overall just better than you and your friends. We have excellent adventures. We sing, we dance [well...uh...kind of], we have excellent adventures, and we do it all without messing up our makeup. And if we do, you best believe we're whipping out the mirrors to fix it, because we're always looking good.
OH AND...
The Kerry Club is EXTREMELY exclusive. Don't even try to join, bitches.
Peace out, girl scouts.
-K
So, at college, I met my other half, basically. Her name is Kerry. Coincidence? Hell no. But she brings out my kiddie side. Yanno, the side that rocks out to Dancing Queen and considers hardcore Bop It a form of exercise. We really don't go a day without seeing each other, and if we do, it's a big tackle hug the next day and an "OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!" And we're dead serious. We may be polar opposites personality wise, but I honestly love this girl to death. I'd kill for her, and she knows it. She keeps me down on Earth, and I keep her on her toes. Movie night, yeah, we have that like 4x a week. And don't get us started on musicals, Evanescence, or Wall-E, because we'll talk/sing your ears off. Yeah, we're kickass singers, but shhhhhh, we don't like to tell people. I've got this Wall-E toy right, and I keep him on my keychain. Well, when I went home this weekend, I gave him to her to babysit, and she knitted him a scarf because he was cold. And I found that perfectly acceptable, while everyone else was so "WTF?!". No, but really, we are cooler, prettier, awesomer, and overall just better than you and your friends. We have excellent adventures. We sing, we dance [well...uh...kind of], we have excellent adventures, and we do it all without messing up our makeup. And if we do, you best believe we're whipping out the mirrors to fix it, because we're always looking good.
OH AND...
The Kerry Club is EXTREMELY exclusive. Don't even try to join, bitches.
Peace out, girl scouts.
-K
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Hair Dyeing Advice
Since I do enough of this, I figured I should pass on my years of wisdom. I personally love the "skunk" look [one color on top of another, check my Facebook for pics. Any of the pictures from college are this style] and have been messing around with it since September. Since it's my favorite [and the hardest to do, IMO], it's the one I'm going to talk about.
When doing this, I change the color of my whole head. For example, my hair was pink and brown, but I've just changed it to purple and black. For the "natural" colors, I usually use Herbal Essences brand hair dye from drugstores. It lasts long and doesn't damage your hair like other dyes can, plus it doesn't stink. :) For my crazy colors, I either use Manic Panic or RAW, both of which you can get at Hot Topic or online.
So I've got my hair dye, and all my supplies [comb, plastic bags, plastic gloves, vaseline, hair ties, towels, an old t-shirt, a mirror, and sometimes a friend], and I'm ready to start. First thing I do is separate my hair into the top and bottom sections. I always do the top section first. I don't know why. LOL. Making sure I don't let any of the dye touch the bottom part of my hair, I dye the top following package instructions. Once that's done and rinsed, I give my hair a nice blow drying and get ready for round 2. When you're working with RAW or Manic Panic, keep in mind that they stain VERY easily, and you must be careful. Rub Vaseline all around your hairline and your ears, so you don't end up dyeing yourself along with your hair. Make sure your hair is dry. Tie a plastic bag around your neck [but don't choke yourself]. Then, put your gloves on and open the dye. Working in small sections, coat your hair in dye and rub it into your hair thoroughly. Once you've done this, use your comb to make sure it's in easily. Leave it on for however the long the package says, and wash it out WHILE WEARING GLOVES.
Then, style however you like :). Make sure you use color-safe shampoo and conditioner so it will last longer and remain vibrant.
Hope this helps :)
XO,
K
When doing this, I change the color of my whole head. For example, my hair was pink and brown, but I've just changed it to purple and black. For the "natural" colors, I usually use Herbal Essences brand hair dye from drugstores. It lasts long and doesn't damage your hair like other dyes can, plus it doesn't stink. :) For my crazy colors, I either use Manic Panic or RAW, both of which you can get at Hot Topic or online.
So I've got my hair dye, and all my supplies [comb, plastic bags, plastic gloves, vaseline, hair ties, towels, an old t-shirt, a mirror, and sometimes a friend], and I'm ready to start. First thing I do is separate my hair into the top and bottom sections. I always do the top section first. I don't know why. LOL. Making sure I don't let any of the dye touch the bottom part of my hair, I dye the top following package instructions. Once that's done and rinsed, I give my hair a nice blow drying and get ready for round 2. When you're working with RAW or Manic Panic, keep in mind that they stain VERY easily, and you must be careful. Rub Vaseline all around your hairline and your ears, so you don't end up dyeing yourself along with your hair. Make sure your hair is dry. Tie a plastic bag around your neck [but don't choke yourself]. Then, put your gloves on and open the dye. Working in small sections, coat your hair in dye and rub it into your hair thoroughly. Once you've done this, use your comb to make sure it's in easily. Leave it on for however the long the package says, and wash it out WHILE WEARING GLOVES.
Then, style however you like :). Make sure you use color-safe shampoo and conditioner so it will last longer and remain vibrant.
Hope this helps :)
XO,
K
Thursday, February 5, 2009
fml.temple.edu
LOL. I thought it was a witty title. Maybe not.
Anyway - updates!
-My roommate is pledging Alpha Epsilon Phi. It's exciting to me.
-I am missing the following items this semester: curling iron and can opener. I need them.
-My religion class is slowly killing me. It makes me crave the end of the semester.
-I'm craving windblown hair, saltwater, a wetsuit, a bikini, and a tan. I need beach.
-Quitting smoking? Not going well, for the record.
-The Kerry Club has more excellent adventures than you can imagine.
-Tongue piercings are addicting, and apparently contagious. A lot of people seem to be getting them.
-I've stopped taking sugar in my coffee.
-I'm much more organized this semester. I'm going for at least a 3.8.
-The hypothyrodism is now under control. The pills are working well.
-Now that Crown has started taking Diamond Dollars, I believe a heart attack will occur soon.
-I'm living with Christine next year. Towers, here we come.
-I still hate coach buses, but I'm ending up on them quite often these days.
-Purple iPod nano > oxygen.
-I've only been to the TECH once.
That's about it.
Also, I'm on a writing binge.
Sneak peeks soon.
xo, k
Anyway - updates!
-My roommate is pledging Alpha Epsilon Phi. It's exciting to me.
-I am missing the following items this semester: curling iron and can opener. I need them.
-My religion class is slowly killing me. It makes me crave the end of the semester.
-I'm craving windblown hair, saltwater, a wetsuit, a bikini, and a tan. I need beach.
-Quitting smoking? Not going well, for the record.
-The Kerry Club has more excellent adventures than you can imagine.
-Tongue piercings are addicting, and apparently contagious. A lot of people seem to be getting them.
-I've stopped taking sugar in my coffee.
-I'm much more organized this semester. I'm going for at least a 3.8.
-The hypothyrodism is now under control. The pills are working well.
-Now that Crown has started taking Diamond Dollars, I believe a heart attack will occur soon.
-I'm living with Christine next year. Towers, here we come.
-I still hate coach buses, but I'm ending up on them quite often these days.
-Purple iPod nano > oxygen.
-I've only been to the TECH once.
That's about it.
Also, I'm on a writing binge.
Sneak peeks soon.
xo, k
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Sadness
I hate being sad.
I try to tell myself I don't mind it, but when my mouth gets the certain taste of tears and the back of my eyes start to hurt because I'm holding back tears, I hate it.
I hate when I'm in a store and about to cry.
I hate when I want someone to hug me and listen to me, but no one's there.
I hate sadness.
...
-K
I try to tell myself I don't mind it, but when my mouth gets the certain taste of tears and the back of my eyes start to hurt because I'm holding back tears, I hate it.
I hate when I'm in a store and about to cry.
I hate when I want someone to hug me and listen to me, but no one's there.
I hate sadness.
...
-K
Monday, January 19, 2009
KENNY JONES :)<3
He is BY FAR the SEXIEST man on Temple's campus. Yes, I am talking about the one, the ONLY, Mr. Phi Beta Sigma HIMSELF, Kenny Jones, also known as the RD of Hardwick Hall, also known as the one and only true love of my life.
For real. You don't understand how much I love him. His emails about suspension of guest privileges brighten up my day. AND THEY COME PRETTY OFTEN. And basically, his smiley faces after threats are really cute, just like him.
ALSO, I love when I see him eating in J + H. I almost get as excited as I do when I see Big Rob. <333
But as great as Kenny Jones is, Jonathan will ALWAYS have ALL of my heart.
-K :)
P.S. - I hope you can notice the sarcasm in this entry.
For real. You don't understand how much I love him. His emails about suspension of guest privileges brighten up my day. AND THEY COME PRETTY OFTEN. And basically, his smiley faces after threats are really cute, just like him.
ALSO, I love when I see him eating in J + H. I almost get as excited as I do when I see Big Rob. <333
But as great as Kenny Jones is, Jonathan will ALWAYS have ALL of my heart.
-K :)
P.S. - I hope you can notice the sarcasm in this entry.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
7:35 AM
I'm awake.
I was sneezing, which means my allergies are acting up. I hate sneezing. I think it's probably the grossest thing ever, because I sneeze like 47 times in a row and it's gross and wakes me up. The left side of my jaw hurts as well.
Well, yesterday, I realized that my writing situation has been going terribly. Because I'll sit down, write some pages [usually 15 or 20] of something that is PROBABLY looking very good, then I start thinking about it, hate it, and erase it. Jesus.
...
I was sneezing, which means my allergies are acting up. I hate sneezing. I think it's probably the grossest thing ever, because I sneeze like 47 times in a row and it's gross and wakes me up. The left side of my jaw hurts as well.
Well, yesterday, I realized that my writing situation has been going terribly. Because I'll sit down, write some pages [usually 15 or 20] of something that is PROBABLY looking very good, then I start thinking about it, hate it, and erase it. Jesus.
...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I've always gotta be cute.
So today, I found out from my latest round of blood work that I have hypothyroidism. Because of this, I will be on lifetime therapy with pills. Also, I'm required to wear a medical alert bracelet, because the medication schedule is kind of sick and if - heaven forbid - I'm in an accident or something, the doctors need to know what kind of medication I take.
Well, I've seen med alert bracelets and they're ugly. So I spent the better part of two hours online today searching for a cute one. My thoughts: If I have to wear one all the time, it might as well be cute! My mother doesn't understand me, but she's nuts anyway. LOL.
XO,
Kerry
Well, I've seen med alert bracelets and they're ugly. So I spent the better part of two hours online today searching for a cute one. My thoughts: If I have to wear one all the time, it might as well be cute! My mother doesn't understand me, but she's nuts anyway. LOL.
XO,
Kerry
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
New Year, New Me?
Since college has started, I have become delinquent in many aspects of my life, those being writing, blogging, eating more than once a day, maintaining a normal sleeping schedule, and talking to people besides my sorority sisters and my mom. However, I have become a champion of all-nighters in the TECH center, mental breakdowns [three of four major ones in the fall semester, and as minor one once a week or so], coffee drinking, chain-smoking, and fatigue.
Today, I found out that TSH [some thyroid hormone] was well above the normal level, which, as my nurse/mother tells me, is an indicator of hypothyroidism. Now, I know nothing about medicine, but I do know that this could mean medication for the rest of my life. I don't like it. Not at all. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it upsets me nonetheless. I cried for a good hour about it today.
I've been thinking a lot about attempting to write a book again. It's been a long time since I've sat down at my computer with the intention of using my God-given gift for writing to form a story instead of an IM, email, or post on a message board. I miss the feeling I get when I'm writing - all my anxiety and frustrations come out in MS Word, and even if it sucks when I'm done, I at least had it all out of my body. Writing helps me make sense of my thoughts in the way that nothing else can. Sure, Facebook passes the time and my late-night AIM conversations are truly epic, but there's nothing like the sound of frantic typing while I'm in my pajamas with a messy ponytail and a cup of coffee. It's truly better than any therapy I've ever experienced.
For me, becoming a writer was a lot like learning to drive. I started majorly pursuing both at the same time - somewhere immediately after my 16th birthday. When I first learned to drive, it was awkward and scary. The car would be in constant jerking motion from my hesitance to take my foot off the brake and just go. Now, after having my license for a while and quite a bit of behind the wheel experience, I don't have to think about driving anymore. I don't have to have the constant thought process of "Brake, gas, indicator, brake, turn, gas, stop, go." I just drive, and somewhere in my subconscious, I know what to do. I can go months without driving while I'm away at school, and when I come back, the fundamental things still apply. I still know what to do. It feels as though the same is with writing - I may have been on a break for a while, but I still know how to do it. It's still somewhere within me. I don't think it will ever go away - at least, I hope it doesn't.
So maybe a new year doesn't bring a new me. Maybe it's the old me going back to my old ways. Back when I didn't smoke, back when I didn't rely on others for my happiness, and back when I knew just what was right for me. And sure, the traditional resolutions are there - lose a few pounds, don't smoke, be happy - but the one that I'm looking for most is the one that tells me to follow my heart and just write. It's the simplest thing, but it's the most important.
Until next time,
Kerry
Today, I found out that TSH [some thyroid hormone] was well above the normal level, which, as my nurse/mother tells me, is an indicator of hypothyroidism. Now, I know nothing about medicine, but I do know that this could mean medication for the rest of my life. I don't like it. Not at all. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it upsets me nonetheless. I cried for a good hour about it today.
I've been thinking a lot about attempting to write a book again. It's been a long time since I've sat down at my computer with the intention of using my God-given gift for writing to form a story instead of an IM, email, or post on a message board. I miss the feeling I get when I'm writing - all my anxiety and frustrations come out in MS Word, and even if it sucks when I'm done, I at least had it all out of my body. Writing helps me make sense of my thoughts in the way that nothing else can. Sure, Facebook passes the time and my late-night AIM conversations are truly epic, but there's nothing like the sound of frantic typing while I'm in my pajamas with a messy ponytail and a cup of coffee. It's truly better than any therapy I've ever experienced.
For me, becoming a writer was a lot like learning to drive. I started majorly pursuing both at the same time - somewhere immediately after my 16th birthday. When I first learned to drive, it was awkward and scary. The car would be in constant jerking motion from my hesitance to take my foot off the brake and just go. Now, after having my license for a while and quite a bit of behind the wheel experience, I don't have to think about driving anymore. I don't have to have the constant thought process of "Brake, gas, indicator, brake, turn, gas, stop, go." I just drive, and somewhere in my subconscious, I know what to do. I can go months without driving while I'm away at school, and when I come back, the fundamental things still apply. I still know what to do. It feels as though the same is with writing - I may have been on a break for a while, but I still know how to do it. It's still somewhere within me. I don't think it will ever go away - at least, I hope it doesn't.
So maybe a new year doesn't bring a new me. Maybe it's the old me going back to my old ways. Back when I didn't smoke, back when I didn't rely on others for my happiness, and back when I knew just what was right for me. And sure, the traditional resolutions are there - lose a few pounds, don't smoke, be happy - but the one that I'm looking for most is the one that tells me to follow my heart and just write. It's the simplest thing, but it's the most important.
Until next time,
Kerry
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