Which means 5 months + 27 days until I turn 19. YAY. Whatever. Anyway...
Today I was contemplating what I really wanted in life after Ann mentioned that it was indeed six months til Christmas. As I slopped some Ensure Plus on the counter [occupational hazard of LFM] and wiped it up with what I'm sure is one of the planet's more disgusting rags, I sighed and wiped my hands on my black apron and pulled a Sharpie out of the front pocket. As I was labeling cups [Ne+, He+, NR, HR, NHS, HHS, etc., etc.] I sighed as Steve walked past me. And as this whole colorful scene went down, I thought about what I wanted. So here's the list:
1. Steve. Yeah, I still miss him. Whatever.
2. A pink BlackBerry Pearl 8130.
3. A 32 GB iPod Touch.
4. A new car.
5. To have my college education completely paid for.
6. A grilled cheese [they were cooking, they smelled good, I was living in the moment].
7. A lifetime supply of Ben + Jerry's Cinnamon Buns ice cream.
Give me those things + I'll marry you.
<3
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Meaning?
I don't know why I'm feeling how I am right now, because I know feeling this way is ridiculous. So what, my plans fell through. Shit happens. I know it's because I miss Steve, and I know that it's because of me falling so hard + so fast for him. He really makes me smile + when I kiss him, all is right with the world. And I want to spend time with him. A LOT of time. So sue me. God, I get annoying sometimes. I'm so annoying that I literally can't stand myself. Why am I "one of those girls" that wants to be with a guy all of the time. I've prided myself on being independent for my entire life, but I doubt that it's true.
Whatever, I'm done ranting.
Anyway, in the 24 hours that I've had my tattoo, I'm getting TONS of questions, the most prevalent being "Why a butterfly? That's SoOoO cliche!" Yeah, trust me, I know that the butterfly is probably the most common tat design, especially for females in my age group. But a butterfly holds so much personal meaning for me, and the design itself [that being a butterfly getting nectar from a flower while another flower is just kind of there] is also something that I wanted to express through my body art. To me, butterflies symbolize not only beauty, but also freedom. Freedom from a past that was suffocating, like the cocoon state of a butterfly. They are wrapped so tightly, yet when the time is right, they are able to escape that state and become the beautiful creatures we know and love. This is so symbolic of myself in so many ways. I don't feel like going into detail here, but I have had so much to escape from in my past, and having a tattoo of a butterfly reminds me of my freedom + also of the person I have become: beautiful, with wings to spread + an amount of grace that allows me to fly. Also, this ties in with a beautiful book I have recently read, "The Patron Saint of Butterflies". Now, I know meaning is all a matter of interpretation [a year of AP Lit taught me at least that much], but this book's theme to me is one of growth, maturity + "good coming from bad". We learn from the past, and we all know that without the past, nobody's lives would be what they were in the present. Much like the butterfly, who without that dark cocoon stage would not the beautiful thing they are in the present. The image itself, the butterfly on the flower, is a reminder to relax, to stop and smell the roses every now and then, and to be patient, because everything is okay with time.
Because of this, I like to think of my tattoo as "non-cliche". But hey, I know there are always critics, and with critics, I gain a deeper understanding of myself. So life ain't bad.
By the way, here's a poem I wrote almost exactly two years ago to date. This post made me remember it, so now I'm sharing it with all of you. Here ya go:
"Rush down to me,"
These words I cry out
With a conviction previously unknown.
A different part of me unravels, this I see.
I pause before the world, do I let this show?
I wait, on the crest of a wave.
A bird longing to fly, though deemed not yet
Ready for the responsibility,
Still I know I am. Should I take this bet?
You're there,
Somewhere,
Though I don't know
Exactly where you came from.
I long for meaning, some kind of answer,
Some answer from above.
I sigh, a tear falls down a pale cheek,
As I wait for the storm of life to clear.
Until then I cry, "Wait here, stay here."
I'll wait for you, I'll stay here.
--Kerry Myers, 2006
OK, so retyping this, I started to wonder, how, when I was 16, I knew so much about how I would be at 18. A TON happened between when this was written + now, + I can honestly stay I still feel the same way. Crazy world.
Anyway, I'm done. You can all have your lives back now.
Lovingly,
Kerry.
Mood: BLAH.
Music: "Thanks for the Killer Game of Crisco Twister" -- Minus the Bear
Whatever, I'm done ranting.
Anyway, in the 24 hours that I've had my tattoo, I'm getting TONS of questions, the most prevalent being "Why a butterfly? That's SoOoO cliche!" Yeah, trust me, I know that the butterfly is probably the most common tat design, especially for females in my age group. But a butterfly holds so much personal meaning for me, and the design itself [that being a butterfly getting nectar from a flower while another flower is just kind of there] is also something that I wanted to express through my body art. To me, butterflies symbolize not only beauty, but also freedom. Freedom from a past that was suffocating, like the cocoon state of a butterfly. They are wrapped so tightly, yet when the time is right, they are able to escape that state and become the beautiful creatures we know and love. This is so symbolic of myself in so many ways. I don't feel like going into detail here, but I have had so much to escape from in my past, and having a tattoo of a butterfly reminds me of my freedom + also of the person I have become: beautiful, with wings to spread + an amount of grace that allows me to fly. Also, this ties in with a beautiful book I have recently read, "The Patron Saint of Butterflies". Now, I know meaning is all a matter of interpretation [a year of AP Lit taught me at least that much], but this book's theme to me is one of growth, maturity + "good coming from bad". We learn from the past, and we all know that without the past, nobody's lives would be what they were in the present. Much like the butterfly, who without that dark cocoon stage would not the beautiful thing they are in the present. The image itself, the butterfly on the flower, is a reminder to relax, to stop and smell the roses every now and then, and to be patient, because everything is okay with time.
Because of this, I like to think of my tattoo as "non-cliche". But hey, I know there are always critics, and with critics, I gain a deeper understanding of myself. So life ain't bad.
By the way, here's a poem I wrote almost exactly two years ago to date. This post made me remember it, so now I'm sharing it with all of you. Here ya go:
"Rush down to me,"
These words I cry out
With a conviction previously unknown.
A different part of me unravels, this I see.
I pause before the world, do I let this show?
I wait, on the crest of a wave.
A bird longing to fly, though deemed not yet
Ready for the responsibility,
Still I know I am. Should I take this bet?
You're there,
Somewhere,
Though I don't know
Exactly where you came from.
I long for meaning, some kind of answer,
Some answer from above.
I sigh, a tear falls down a pale cheek,
As I wait for the storm of life to clear.
Until then I cry, "Wait here, stay here."
I'll wait for you, I'll stay here.
--Kerry Myers, 2006
OK, so retyping this, I started to wonder, how, when I was 16, I knew so much about how I would be at 18. A TON happened between when this was written + now, + I can honestly stay I still feel the same way. Crazy world.
Anyway, I'm done. You can all have your lives back now.
Lovingly,
Kerry.
Mood: BLAH.
Music: "Thanks for the Killer Game of Crisco Twister" -- Minus the Bear
Thunder + Tattoos.
There's a storm going on right now, but I unplugged my laptop so I'm okay. My shoulder is pretty sore right now because I got my first tattoo yesterday. Yay for body mods!!! I'm pretty excited to get my second tat already, which is going to be on my lower back. It's a treble clef + bass clef coming together in a heart, and it's going to say "Mon Premier Amour", which is "My First Love" in French. Music is such a huge part of my life, so to have a tat dedicated to that will be pretty damn amazing. The tat that I have now is a butterfly and two purple flowers. My BFF Amanda drew the original design, then Bob @ Stormi Steel redrew it, did the stencil, and all was said and done within two hours [EDIT: Butterflies also have huge personal meaning to me, always kind of have. And now moreso, ever since I read "The Patron Saint of Butterflies". Just for the record]. I absolutely love it, and I swear I'll never go anywhere else besides Stormi Steel for mods. I got my lip pierced there + it's beyond all expectations, and this tattoo has given me even more faith in the guys there. Plus, the prices are really reasonable [ex: my tat is about 3 inches x 3 inches, with a lot of shading + detail, and it only costed me 120 bucks, plus tip. My mom got hers @ Marc's, + it's tiny without a ton of detail, and it costed her 85. Hers is really nice, but I've got a special place in my heart for Stormi] and for a girl on a budget, that's good.
So yay for tattoos! I can't wait for number 2.
Bye,
Ker
So yay for tattoos! I can't wait for number 2.
Bye,
Ker
Monday, June 16, 2008
Things That Kerry Myers is Scared Of
[In no particular order]:
1. The future.
2. Spiders.
3. Bees.
4. All clowns, except for Ronald McDonald.
5. Needles used for medical purposes [piercings + tattoos are okay].
6. Falling in love.
7. Falling out of love.
8. Having people fall in love with me.
9. War.
10. Running out of Arizona/Popsicles.
11. Dying alone.
12. People not returning my feelings.
13. One of my best friend's parents.
14. The dark [if I'm alone].
Just so you know.
BYE!
Kerry
Music: "Hey, Wanna Throw Up? Get Me Naked" -- Minus the Bear
Mood: Contemplative.
1. The future.
2. Spiders.
3. Bees.
4. All clowns, except for Ronald McDonald.
5. Needles used for medical purposes [piercings + tattoos are okay].
6. Falling in love.
7. Falling out of love.
8. Having people fall in love with me.
9. War.
10. Running out of Arizona/Popsicles.
11. Dying alone.
12. People not returning my feelings.
13. One of my best friend's parents.
14. The dark [if I'm alone].
Just so you know.
BYE!
Kerry
Music: "Hey, Wanna Throw Up? Get Me Naked" -- Minus the Bear
Mood: Contemplative.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Tonight...
..at work was AMAZING. I still have fucking butterflies in my stomach.
Sighhhh....
Floatingly,
Kerry
Mood: Cloud 9
Music: "The Sound of White" -- Missy Higgins
Sighhhh....
Floatingly,
Kerry
Mood: Cloud 9
Music: "The Sound of White" -- Missy Higgins
Thursday, June 12, 2008
So I Can't Sleep
And I just had a mild freak out because Blogger wouldn't accept my email address/password. It's over its issues now, but geez, I got worried. I wouldn't have to start over with this whole blogging thing.
Anyway, it exactly 1:37 AM on Friday, June 13 + I can't sleep. I don't know why. I just got my period [yay for too much information!] without any cramps or mood swings or any PMS type thing at all, which is REALLY unlike me. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. Geez. Work is going to suck tomorrow + I'm going to be really tired. At least I get to hang out with Steve after work. Steve is this really awesome guy I met at work + now we're dating + I was actually never this happy with Joe. Steve's kisses send me another planet + I REALLY can't get him off of my mind. He's pretty much amazing + I'm really glad we met.
This is a pointless blog, I know. But I'm loving the new laptop my daddy got me for graduation because my old one crashed a pretty long time ago. It was the BEST grad present ever. Geez. Gilmore Girls is on in the background + Paris makes me laugh.
I'm sorry I wasted all of your time with this blog. This kind of sounds creepy, but I miss the way Steve smells when he holds me in his arms. I'm a little bit head over heels for him.
Yours in Insomnia,
Ker
Anyway, it exactly 1:37 AM on Friday, June 13 + I can't sleep. I don't know why. I just got my period [yay for too much information!] without any cramps or mood swings or any PMS type thing at all, which is REALLY unlike me. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. Geez. Work is going to suck tomorrow + I'm going to be really tired. At least I get to hang out with Steve after work. Steve is this really awesome guy I met at work + now we're dating + I was actually never this happy with Joe. Steve's kisses send me another planet + I REALLY can't get him off of my mind. He's pretty much amazing + I'm really glad we met.
This is a pointless blog, I know. But I'm loving the new laptop my daddy got me for graduation because my old one crashed a pretty long time ago. It was the BEST grad present ever. Geez. Gilmore Girls is on in the background + Paris makes me laugh.
I'm sorry I wasted all of your time with this blog. This kind of sounds creepy, but I miss the way Steve smells when he holds me in his arms. I'm a little bit head over heels for him.
Yours in Insomnia,
Ker
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL!!!
Yup, that's right, I'm FINALLY a high school graduate. After spending the last six years of my life walking the halls of Meyers, it's over. I am now officially a Temple Owl, but God knows the BLUE + GOLD will always run through my veins + I will ALWAYS be a Meyers Mohawk at heart.
Senior year went FAST. It seems like yesterday it was my first day of senior year [or seventh grade...geez], but today, I walked out of Meyers with a diploma in my hand. I have changed, grown, and become the woman I am today inside those halls, and because of that - and many other aspects of course - I will never forget the place where I have spent the last six years. In my heart, I will cherish, steadfast FOREVER, Meyers High.
I really have mixed emotions about graduating. I am both happy and sad, but I really don't know which emotion rules my heart. I'm so excited to be done with high school, but at the same time, I am sad. I have had SO much of my life at Meyers that leaving there isn't just leaving behind teachers and classmates - it's leaving behind a family. MY family. These teachers are my parents, and my classmates, the brothers + sisters. We have fought, we have laughed, we have cried, and through it all, we have come out on top. We will always be a family, no matter what. And the teachers - I wouldn't have made it without them. A HUGE thanks to: Mrs. Lombardo [since EIGHTH GRADE...if anyone is closer to being my mom than my actual mom, it's her], Miss Rebo [THREE YEARS OF CHEM!!!], Peters [pah!], and of course, Mrs. Galante. I never would've made it without those four standing behind me + kicking my ass through high school + I truly appreciate everything they have given me. I love them all more than words could possibly express. And of course, my friends were witness to the changes, the growing up, the broken hearts, the endless laughs, the crazy trips, the crazy impulses, and everything in between. MY GIRLS [they know who they are] have truly defined what it means to be a best friend, and God knows I'll hold them close to my heart forever. While speaking of best friends, I also must talk about Brian. He's been my perspective, my kick in the butt, my constant source of laughter for the past few years. He's a best friend, and he always is there to cheer me up when I need it. Without him calming me down at 2 AM, I probably wouldn't be here anymore.
I think what I have gained most from high school is my strength. People have knocked me down + dragged me around, but baby, I ALWAYS get back up. I have drawn strength from the written word, and I busted my ass to get where I am today. So you can continue to bring me down, but just remember, when I get back up, I will do so with a vengeance.
High school has made me who I am. I am tough, strong, beautiful, educated, intelligent, talented, and confident, and all because of my six years at MHS. So to the ENTIRE Class of 2008, I offer my congratulations + a wish of success for the future. I know you will all do AMAZING THINGS. And remember:
STEADFAST FOREVER,
MEYERS HIGH!!!!
Yours in Mohawk Pride,
Kerry
Senior year went FAST. It seems like yesterday it was my first day of senior year [or seventh grade...geez], but today, I walked out of Meyers with a diploma in my hand. I have changed, grown, and become the woman I am today inside those halls, and because of that - and many other aspects of course - I will never forget the place where I have spent the last six years. In my heart, I will cherish, steadfast FOREVER, Meyers High.
I really have mixed emotions about graduating. I am both happy and sad, but I really don't know which emotion rules my heart. I'm so excited to be done with high school, but at the same time, I am sad. I have had SO much of my life at Meyers that leaving there isn't just leaving behind teachers and classmates - it's leaving behind a family. MY family. These teachers are my parents, and my classmates, the brothers + sisters. We have fought, we have laughed, we have cried, and through it all, we have come out on top. We will always be a family, no matter what. And the teachers - I wouldn't have made it without them. A HUGE thanks to: Mrs. Lombardo [since EIGHTH GRADE...if anyone is closer to being my mom than my actual mom, it's her], Miss Rebo [THREE YEARS OF CHEM!!!], Peters [pah!], and of course, Mrs. Galante. I never would've made it without those four standing behind me + kicking my ass through high school + I truly appreciate everything they have given me. I love them all more than words could possibly express. And of course, my friends were witness to the changes, the growing up, the broken hearts, the endless laughs, the crazy trips, the crazy impulses, and everything in between. MY GIRLS [they know who they are] have truly defined what it means to be a best friend, and God knows I'll hold them close to my heart forever. While speaking of best friends, I also must talk about Brian. He's been my perspective, my kick in the butt, my constant source of laughter for the past few years. He's a best friend, and he always is there to cheer me up when I need it. Without him calming me down at 2 AM, I probably wouldn't be here anymore.
I think what I have gained most from high school is my strength. People have knocked me down + dragged me around, but baby, I ALWAYS get back up. I have drawn strength from the written word, and I busted my ass to get where I am today. So you can continue to bring me down, but just remember, when I get back up, I will do so with a vengeance.
High school has made me who I am. I am tough, strong, beautiful, educated, intelligent, talented, and confident, and all because of my six years at MHS. So to the ENTIRE Class of 2008, I offer my congratulations + a wish of success for the future. I know you will all do AMAZING THINGS. And remember:
STEADFAST FOREVER,
MEYERS HIGH!!!!
Yours in Mohawk Pride,
Kerry
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
BREAKTHROUGH!
I know what my novel is going to be about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I'm not telling. If you're that interested, and you want to contact me about it, feel free. Otherwise, wait until I get the synopsis up here.
Peace,
Kerry
Mood: Excited, inspired, and anxious.
Music: "I Want You" -- Savage Garden [classic!]
But I'm not telling. If you're that interested, and you want to contact me about it, feel free. Otherwise, wait until I get the synopsis up here.
Peace,
Kerry
Mood: Excited, inspired, and anxious.
Music: "I Want You" -- Savage Garden [classic!]
Monday, June 2, 2008
The Last Time [unedited]
The Last Time
By: Ker M.
Your face burns, but you don't know why. Is it the salt of your tears? Is it the humiliated blush creeping up your spinal column and manifesting itself in your cheekbones? Or is it the bruise that's slowly forming, a flower of purple and black extending from your lip up towards your eye.
You don't know, and you can't tell, but one thing is for certain. This is the last time it will ever end like this. His words fall on deaf ears now, his cries of remorse and the overused words of "Baby, please don't leave". You know it will end like this again if you stay. You want to leave, he blocks the door.
Years, this has been going on. And yet, you never said anything until now. You never once defied him, never spoke a word in your own defense. Family members and friends warned you time and time again, but you stayed. You always wanted to believe there was hope. You wanted to put some faith in humanity. But the faith is gone, the wick has burned and no more wax remains. You can't keep looking for something that isn't there.
The back door is open and you know that is your escape. With nothing but twenty three dollars in cash and the keys to the Mercedes, you leave. You have no clue where you'll end up, but you know that it will be anywhere but here.
You finally exhale. It can only get better from here.
------
Ok, so, IDK what was going on with THIS thought process. I guess "Hershey" deposited some subconscious hints. This could lead to a new novel idea. Who knows? You know you can check back for updates. I'll be here.
Love You!
Kerry
By: Ker M.
Your face burns, but you don't know why. Is it the salt of your tears? Is it the humiliated blush creeping up your spinal column and manifesting itself in your cheekbones? Or is it the bruise that's slowly forming, a flower of purple and black extending from your lip up towards your eye.
You don't know, and you can't tell, but one thing is for certain. This is the last time it will ever end like this. His words fall on deaf ears now, his cries of remorse and the overused words of "Baby, please don't leave". You know it will end like this again if you stay. You want to leave, he blocks the door.
Years, this has been going on. And yet, you never said anything until now. You never once defied him, never spoke a word in your own defense. Family members and friends warned you time and time again, but you stayed. You always wanted to believe there was hope. You wanted to put some faith in humanity. But the faith is gone, the wick has burned and no more wax remains. You can't keep looking for something that isn't there.
The back door is open and you know that is your escape. With nothing but twenty three dollars in cash and the keys to the Mercedes, you leave. You have no clue where you'll end up, but you know that it will be anywhere but here.
You finally exhale. It can only get better from here.
------
Ok, so, IDK what was going on with THIS thought process. I guess "Hershey" deposited some subconscious hints. This could lead to a new novel idea. Who knows? You know you can check back for updates. I'll be here.
Love You!
Kerry
=]
I love my life + the people that I have in it now. My best friends are honestly my entire life. I'd be so far gone without them. Oh + Mrs. G. Wow, like seriously, I've known her about a month + it feels like forever. She's amazing. Read her books: "The Patron Saint of Butterflies" + "Hershey Herself" [which I read in two hours + 15 minutes]. It's so worth your time I promise.
BLAH.
I want to write another short story. I'm sick of not writing short stories. Maybe later.
BLAH.
I want to write another short story. I'm sick of not writing short stories. Maybe later.
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