Meaning?

I don't know why I'm feeling how I am right now, because I know feeling this way is ridiculous. So what, my plans fell through. Shit happens. I know it's because I miss Steve, and I know that it's because of me falling so hard + so fast for him. He really makes me smile + when I kiss him, all is right with the world. And I want to spend time with him. A LOT of time. So sue me. God, I get annoying sometimes. I'm so annoying that I literally can't stand myself. Why am I "one of those girls" that wants to be with a guy all of the time. I've prided myself on being independent for my entire life, but I doubt that it's true.

Whatever, I'm done ranting.

Anyway, in the 24 hours that I've had my tattoo, I'm getting TONS of questions, the most prevalent being "Why a butterfly? That's SoOoO cliche!" Yeah, trust me, I know that the butterfly is probably the most common tat design, especially for females in my age group. But a butterfly holds so much personal meaning for me, and the design itself [that being a butterfly getting nectar from a flower while another flower is just kind of there] is also something that I wanted to express through my body art. To me, butterflies symbolize not only beauty, but also freedom. Freedom from a past that was suffocating, like the cocoon state of a butterfly. They are wrapped so tightly, yet when the time is right, they are able to escape that state and become the beautiful creatures we know and love. This is so symbolic of myself in so many ways. I don't feel like going into detail here, but I have had so much to escape from in my past, and having a tattoo of a butterfly reminds me of my freedom + also of the person I have become: beautiful, with wings to spread + an amount of grace that allows me to fly. Also, this ties in with a beautiful book I have recently read, "The Patron Saint of Butterflies". Now, I know meaning is all a matter of interpretation [a year of AP Lit taught me at least that much], but this book's theme to me is one of growth, maturity + "good coming from bad". We learn from the past, and we all know that without the past, nobody's lives would be what they were in the present. Much like the butterfly, who without that dark cocoon stage would not the beautiful thing they are in the present. The image itself, the butterfly on the flower, is a reminder to relax, to stop and smell the roses every now and then, and to be patient, because everything is okay with time.

Because of this, I like to think of my tattoo as "non-cliche". But hey, I know there are always critics, and with critics, I gain a deeper understanding of myself. So life ain't bad.

By the way, here's a poem I wrote almost exactly two years ago to date. This post made me remember it, so now I'm sharing it with all of you. Here ya go:

"Rush down to me,"
These words I cry out
With a conviction previously unknown.
A different part of me unravels, this I see.
I pause before the world, do I let this show?
I wait, on the crest of a wave.
A bird longing to fly, though deemed not yet
Ready for the responsibility,
Still I know I am. Should I take this bet?
You're there,
Somewhere,
Though I don't know
Exactly where you came from.
I long for meaning, some kind of answer,
Some answer from above.
I sigh, a tear falls down a pale cheek,
As I wait for the storm of life to clear.
Until then I cry, "Wait here, stay here."
I'll wait for you, I'll stay here.
--Kerry Myers, 2006

OK, so retyping this, I started to wonder, how, when I was 16, I knew so much about how I would be at 18. A TON happened between when this was written + now, + I can honestly stay I still feel the same way. Crazy world.

Anyway, I'm done. You can all have your lives back now.

Lovingly,
Kerry.

Mood: BLAH.
Music: "Thanks for the Killer Game of Crisco Twister" -- Minus the Bear