Maybe they can't hear
The hushed whispers of lovers
On an early morning
[so early the sun has not yet
warmed the Earth
or graced our faces with the rays
that bring us to life].
Or maybe they can
and that's fine by me, darling.
Maybe they can't see
The fire you put into my eyes
Or the passion you ignite in my heart
Or the whiteness of my knuckles
[like the inside of an apple
the virgin whiteness
so pure and sweet
so delicious
so sinful, so pure
much like myself, or you
or both us before we found each other].
Or maybe they can,
and their eyes have been opened.
Maybe they can't sense
the love that burns between us
The fire in your eyes
or the passion in my heart,
or the sound of our voices as we whisper
the words that we all long to hear
[like light music
like the right lyrics
that float over the speakers
and land in your heart
and make a place there,
much like I have done].
Or maybe they can.
Because we want the world to know.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Blog About Love
I met Chris my first night at Insomnia Cookies, something along the lines of 9/7/09. 9/15/09, I hooked up with Chris.
Almost two months have passed, and now I have fallen for Chris.
I cannot truly describe the things this boy has done for me. Sure, there's the Chinese runs and the Marlboro menthols and the sex, but there's also the deep conversations, the hand-holding, the cuddling, and the hours of sleep we've lost together. He has become a friend, a confidante, and the one I talk to when I need support. He has become something I am hesitant to label, but I know he is something I cherish deeply.
We are now officially going on a date on Saturday, and things will hopefully fall into place from there. I have longed for this for a while, and I am scared to get this. I do not want to mess this up, at all.
Sigh.
I am corny sometimes.
Almost two months have passed, and now I have fallen for Chris.
I cannot truly describe the things this boy has done for me. Sure, there's the Chinese runs and the Marlboro menthols and the sex, but there's also the deep conversations, the hand-holding, the cuddling, and the hours of sleep we've lost together. He has become a friend, a confidante, and the one I talk to when I need support. He has become something I am hesitant to label, but I know he is something I cherish deeply.
We are now officially going on a date on Saturday, and things will hopefully fall into place from there. I have longed for this for a while, and I am scared to get this. I do not want to mess this up, at all.
Sigh.
I am corny sometimes.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Memoirs of a Bookworm
It seemed like some sick reality show challenge: You're let loose in Barnes + Noble for an hour, and you're allowed to pick out two to three books to be bought for you.
My reaction: A combination of YAY and OMG.
Here's why:
Counting the number of books I have is an infinite task - there's no doubt that I own at least 100, all of which I have read at least twice. I also rummage through my mother, sister, and father's book collections when I am looking for new material. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a bona fide bookworm. I'm at my happiest when I'm listening to music and reading a good book, sitting outside enjoying the sunshine and reading a good book, or just chilling in my living room and reading a good book. So, after my mother watched me read parts of "Hard Love" [by Ellen Wittlinger] for about the 187th time tonight, she said that if I drove her to PetSmart for cat food, she'd take me to Barnes + Noble for some new material.
Well, of course I was ecstatic. Letting someone like me loose in a bookstore - even if for an hour [or, a little more, as it turned out] - is like letting a heroin addict use heroin after being clean. It's an exhilarating rush - thousands of beautiful, unread books lie before me. I instantly get happy, but not soon after, a look of intense concentration comes over me as I prowl the aisles like a hunter stalking my prey. I usually don't even know where to start. Tonight, I headed back to the Fiction + Literature section, which is too vast for me without a goal, but also fun for some aimless wandering. After my aimlessness was over, I found myself drawn to the Sci-Fi + Fantasy section, just to price the beloved J.R.R. Tolkien "Lord of the Rings" series. And, although these four books weren't my purchase of the evening, I'll get around to them soon enough.
At this point, I was in a sticky situation. I only had about forty minutes of browsing time left, and I knew I'd be pushing it, as I always was in bookstores. So, I headed to the front of the store, to the bargain section. The bargain section always depresses me in some way - it's sort of like the SPCA of the bookstore. It's books that no one else really wants, so they're marked down and shown off, so hopefully someone will rescue them from their sad existence. It was here that I found tonight's treasures. I probably looked like I had some weird form of OCD - walking up and down the aisles multiple times, scanning the shelves from top to bottom. However, after some serious browsing - and several "Hurry your ass up" looks from my mother, I found my prizes. "The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets" by Eva Rice, and "Forgive Me" by Amanda Eyre Ward. Both unknown authors to me, and unknown books as well. And, of course, I cannot wait to devour them both - such is my project for tomorrow to start "Forgive Me".
So why am I such a bookworm? What is it about books that drag me in?
I've always lost myself in books. I remember reading at a young age - somewhere around three or four, and I was always reading far beyond my reading level. We took a test in seventh grade, and it showed that I was reading beyond a twelfth grade reading level. The complexities of books captivate me everytime, and there has never been a book that I have truly hated - though some of them [and here I am alluding to most of the books I had to read in Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition] I could have done without.
Books have helped me grow as a person. The stories I have learned help me to understand life and people better. They have caused as much self-examination as the examination of the story and the characters lives. Books are beautiful. They are an extension of the person that has written them. They are stories shown to the world by a brave soul. And the possibilities they provide are endless.
Reading as avidly as I have has also helped me grow as a writer. It is no secret that I am an aspiring novelist, and with every book I read - no matter how silly it is [yes, even as silly as Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"] - I feel as though I learn one more secret to succeeding as an author.
So, some may find it "nerdy" to be able to spend 6 or 8 hours in a bookstore. But it's my idea of a good day. And when I get out of that store - with new novels and a slight headache due to staring at all that print - I know I will be happy, at least for a little while.
Aren't we all striving for happiness anyway?
A sincere bookworm,
Kerry
My reaction: A combination of YAY and OMG.
Here's why:
Counting the number of books I have is an infinite task - there's no doubt that I own at least 100, all of which I have read at least twice. I also rummage through my mother, sister, and father's book collections when I am looking for new material. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a bona fide bookworm. I'm at my happiest when I'm listening to music and reading a good book, sitting outside enjoying the sunshine and reading a good book, or just chilling in my living room and reading a good book. So, after my mother watched me read parts of "Hard Love" [by Ellen Wittlinger] for about the 187th time tonight, she said that if I drove her to PetSmart for cat food, she'd take me to Barnes + Noble for some new material.
Well, of course I was ecstatic. Letting someone like me loose in a bookstore - even if for an hour [or, a little more, as it turned out] - is like letting a heroin addict use heroin after being clean. It's an exhilarating rush - thousands of beautiful, unread books lie before me. I instantly get happy, but not soon after, a look of intense concentration comes over me as I prowl the aisles like a hunter stalking my prey. I usually don't even know where to start. Tonight, I headed back to the Fiction + Literature section, which is too vast for me without a goal, but also fun for some aimless wandering. After my aimlessness was over, I found myself drawn to the Sci-Fi + Fantasy section, just to price the beloved J.R.R. Tolkien "Lord of the Rings" series. And, although these four books weren't my purchase of the evening, I'll get around to them soon enough.
At this point, I was in a sticky situation. I only had about forty minutes of browsing time left, and I knew I'd be pushing it, as I always was in bookstores. So, I headed to the front of the store, to the bargain section. The bargain section always depresses me in some way - it's sort of like the SPCA of the bookstore. It's books that no one else really wants, so they're marked down and shown off, so hopefully someone will rescue them from their sad existence. It was here that I found tonight's treasures. I probably looked like I had some weird form of OCD - walking up and down the aisles multiple times, scanning the shelves from top to bottom. However, after some serious browsing - and several "Hurry your ass up" looks from my mother, I found my prizes. "The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets" by Eva Rice, and "Forgive Me" by Amanda Eyre Ward. Both unknown authors to me, and unknown books as well. And, of course, I cannot wait to devour them both - such is my project for tomorrow to start "Forgive Me".
So why am I such a bookworm? What is it about books that drag me in?
I've always lost myself in books. I remember reading at a young age - somewhere around three or four, and I was always reading far beyond my reading level. We took a test in seventh grade, and it showed that I was reading beyond a twelfth grade reading level. The complexities of books captivate me everytime, and there has never been a book that I have truly hated - though some of them [and here I am alluding to most of the books I had to read in Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition] I could have done without.
Books have helped me grow as a person. The stories I have learned help me to understand life and people better. They have caused as much self-examination as the examination of the story and the characters lives. Books are beautiful. They are an extension of the person that has written them. They are stories shown to the world by a brave soul. And the possibilities they provide are endless.
Reading as avidly as I have has also helped me grow as a writer. It is no secret that I am an aspiring novelist, and with every book I read - no matter how silly it is [yes, even as silly as Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"] - I feel as though I learn one more secret to succeeding as an author.
So, some may find it "nerdy" to be able to spend 6 or 8 hours in a bookstore. But it's my idea of a good day. And when I get out of that store - with new novels and a slight headache due to staring at all that print - I know I will be happy, at least for a little while.
Aren't we all striving for happiness anyway?
A sincere bookworm,
Kerry
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Updates...
I'm home from college..
-I'm working on finishing my ruminations blogs.
-I don't have a job. Therefore, I have no money. Therefore, I have no fun.
-I miss my friends more than I could possibly say.
-I got my summer reading list together.
-I repierced my lip.
-Novel? Not progressing.
-I wanna ride a roller coaster.
Issue on my mind right now:
I was supposed to go to Reading on June 12th to stay with my dad and visit Kerry. All of a sudden, it's not happening. I'm more than a little pissed/upset about this, but I'm trying to figure out a way to make it work.
That's all.
xo,
-k
-I'm working on finishing my ruminations blogs.
-I don't have a job. Therefore, I have no money. Therefore, I have no fun.
-I miss my friends more than I could possibly say.
-I got my summer reading list together.
-I repierced my lip.
-Novel? Not progressing.
-I wanna ride a roller coaster.
Issue on my mind right now:
I was supposed to go to Reading on June 12th to stay with my dad and visit Kerry. All of a sudden, it's not happening. I'm more than a little pissed/upset about this, but I'm trying to figure out a way to make it work.
That's all.
xo,
-k
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Rumination 2 :) - Limitations
So, I'm sitting here, knowing that I have to do something here. It's only thirteen days until move out...thirteen days til I bid Hardwick Hall a bittersweet farewell. I'll almost miss the piercing sound of a fire alarm waking me up from a sound sleep (jk). I will, however, miss the nights like this. The nights when 1 am seems ridiculously early. The nights when caffeine keeps me alive.
I've tested my limits at college. In more ways than I ever have, and in more ways then I probably should have done. I've pulled countless all-nighters, gave binge drinking a new meaning, bottled up so many emotions that I eventually exploded, and procrastinated - a lot. I have pushed myself so hard and so fast that I can barely believe I'm getting out of my freshman year in one piece - and sometimes I was held together with stitches ;).
Honestly, I can't even keep writing about this WITHOUT going back to my previous rumination on friendship. Because, honestly, my friends are the ones who have gotten me through all of this craziness. They made sure I was safe - but they didn't push hard when I needed to be left alone.
This is honestly going to be a short rumination, but the one thing I can say is that I have learned so much about myself this year - that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, and that I have the capability to rule the world.
And had I not pushed myself so hard, I wouldn't know that today.
XO,
-k
I've tested my limits at college. In more ways than I ever have, and in more ways then I probably should have done. I've pulled countless all-nighters, gave binge drinking a new meaning, bottled up so many emotions that I eventually exploded, and procrastinated - a lot. I have pushed myself so hard and so fast that I can barely believe I'm getting out of my freshman year in one piece - and sometimes I was held together with stitches ;).
Honestly, I can't even keep writing about this WITHOUT going back to my previous rumination on friendship. Because, honestly, my friends are the ones who have gotten me through all of this craziness. They made sure I was safe - but they didn't push hard when I needed to be left alone.
This is honestly going to be a short rumination, but the one thing I can say is that I have learned so much about myself this year - that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, and that I have the capability to rule the world.
And had I not pushed myself so hard, I wouldn't know that today.
XO,
-k
Monday, April 13, 2009
Rumination 1 - Friendship
Here it is again - Kerry's Ruminations on Freshman Year. This particular entry focuses on friendship. The friends I made - starting all the way back at Summer orientation - the friends I lost, and the friends that I consider my "crew" at Temple - the ones I can fall back on, the ones that love me unconditionally, and the friends that I definitely consider my best.
When I first came to Temple on June 30, 2008 for orientation, I was pretty much scared shitless. When I say I knew no one, I meant it. Not one single person. As my dad stood back with my luggage, I stood in line to register and get my room key and such. And I began to talk to people. I don't remember everyone's names and faces to this day, but I do know that they were my first friends at Temple, and we hung out for all of orientation. And, although we're not close anymore, I still remember the ones who I saw the most. Sunia, who was my suitemate. Justin, who is by far one of the most talented people I have ever met, though I don't think he gives himself enough credit. Beth and Marissa - NEPA Girls <3 - who are two extremely cool, extremely rockin' chicks. And all of the other people I talked to during orientation. They showed me that I wouldn't be alone at Temple. Even if we didn't remain friends, I was confident that I could make them.
I don't think I could truly write an entry on friendship without mentioning my roommate Rebecca. She's had to deal with a lot from me this year. Crazy math classes, my seeming inability to clean, my strange sleeping habits, my minor mental breakdowns, and my general craziness. And she has managed to make it through with me. We are definitely friends - better yet, sisters, since she joined up AEPhi this semester - and I'll never forget her. She's totally amazing.
So now there's my crew. The people here I'd kill and die for, anytime. These people know me better than I know myself, and they can always get me through the worst of times - and they can laugh with me while I'm having an amazing time. Individually now...
Amber - This girl is by far the craziest chick I've met at Temple. She knows how to have fun, and she loves to have fun with me. We have an amazing time together - 7-11 runs at 3 am, meeting new friends in the fourth floor hallway, hanging at The Reel because we're too poor to afford the real movie theater, terrorizing the Hardwick residents, and generally, just having fun. As much as we annoy each other, I love her to death. We are definitely great friends.
Emad - Oh man, THAT BOY. He drives me totally crazy. We have a love-hate abusive relationship - and I have the scars to prove it. But, in addition, we have a ton in common. We can both hold our liquor like you wouldn't believe. We are totally crazy people. We could probably date, if he liked girls. But, then again, I don't think I could actually deal with him. He makes me smile like crazy, and I love hanging around with him. He's an amazing guy, and I'm going to miss him like crazy, since he's graduating this year :(.
Kristin - AKA My RA. It's so weird to be good friends with your RA - apparently - but Kristin and I are hella close. We're both extremely sarcastic, so I guess people can never tell when we're actually being mean to each other - never -and when we're not - always. I absolutely love her. She's a great person to talk to, and also, a great reality check when I need it. I'll miss her like crazy over the summer.
Sorority Girls - I never truly understood what kinds of bonds I would make in this sorority until I made them. I have made amazing friends through AEPhi. If I had time to go through and list why I loved every single girl, I'd be here for days. Just trust me when I say I'd kill and die for any of them. In a heartbeat. Know why? Because they're my sisters. <3
Last but DEFINITELY not least, Kerry - When I say this girl is my other half, I mean that we were probably born as conjoined twins and separated. I absolutely love her with my entire heart. Right now, it's been three days since I've seen her and I feel so empty. She completely understands every silly little emotion I experience. We can watch the same TV show for ten straight hours and not get bored. We're not dating, but people always seem to think we are. I admire her, adore her, love her, and would do absolutely anything for her. We can talk for hours - but it seems like minutes. And yeah, we can get a little loud, but that's only because we are so comfortable being ourselves around each other. I feel like she has truly completed me. She's gotten me in touch with a side of me I've never really experienced. I have learned so much from her and gained a totally different perspective on life because of her. No matter what happens between us I will always love her and appreciate everything she has done for me. <3333
So college friendship, for me, is a lot more intense than friendships I've had in the past. We live together, love together, cry together, and exist together. We are all interconnected, and our lives intertwine perfectly. We are the pieces of a puzzle, and we complete each other and find new parts of ourselves. We go through this whole confusing mess together, and we come out together, holding hands and standing on top of the world. From the friends I have made - those listed here and those not - I have learned far more than I can comprehend or appreciate right now. But believe me when I say, the friendships I have have made this year what it is.
This poem describes how I feel about my friends here - I carry them with me, and when we are apart, I fear nothing.
"i carry your heart with me" - ee cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has only meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret no one will ever know
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or the mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
xo,
-k
When I first came to Temple on June 30, 2008 for orientation, I was pretty much scared shitless. When I say I knew no one, I meant it. Not one single person. As my dad stood back with my luggage, I stood in line to register and get my room key and such. And I began to talk to people. I don't remember everyone's names and faces to this day, but I do know that they were my first friends at Temple, and we hung out for all of orientation. And, although we're not close anymore, I still remember the ones who I saw the most. Sunia, who was my suitemate. Justin, who is by far one of the most talented people I have ever met, though I don't think he gives himself enough credit. Beth and Marissa - NEPA Girls <3 - who are two extremely cool, extremely rockin' chicks. And all of the other people I talked to during orientation. They showed me that I wouldn't be alone at Temple. Even if we didn't remain friends, I was confident that I could make them.
I don't think I could truly write an entry on friendship without mentioning my roommate Rebecca. She's had to deal with a lot from me this year. Crazy math classes, my seeming inability to clean, my strange sleeping habits, my minor mental breakdowns, and my general craziness. And she has managed to make it through with me. We are definitely friends - better yet, sisters, since she joined up AEPhi this semester - and I'll never forget her. She's totally amazing.
So now there's my crew. The people here I'd kill and die for, anytime. These people know me better than I know myself, and they can always get me through the worst of times - and they can laugh with me while I'm having an amazing time. Individually now...
Amber - This girl is by far the craziest chick I've met at Temple. She knows how to have fun, and she loves to have fun with me. We have an amazing time together - 7-11 runs at 3 am, meeting new friends in the fourth floor hallway, hanging at The Reel because we're too poor to afford the real movie theater, terrorizing the Hardwick residents, and generally, just having fun. As much as we annoy each other, I love her to death. We are definitely great friends.
Emad - Oh man, THAT BOY. He drives me totally crazy. We have a love-hate abusive relationship - and I have the scars to prove it. But, in addition, we have a ton in common. We can both hold our liquor like you wouldn't believe. We are totally crazy people. We could probably date, if he liked girls. But, then again, I don't think I could actually deal with him. He makes me smile like crazy, and I love hanging around with him. He's an amazing guy, and I'm going to miss him like crazy, since he's graduating this year :(.
Kristin - AKA My RA. It's so weird to be good friends with your RA - apparently - but Kristin and I are hella close. We're both extremely sarcastic, so I guess people can never tell when we're actually being mean to each other - never -and when we're not - always. I absolutely love her. She's a great person to talk to, and also, a great reality check when I need it. I'll miss her like crazy over the summer.
Sorority Girls - I never truly understood what kinds of bonds I would make in this sorority until I made them. I have made amazing friends through AEPhi. If I had time to go through and list why I loved every single girl, I'd be here for days. Just trust me when I say I'd kill and die for any of them. In a heartbeat. Know why? Because they're my sisters. <3
Last but DEFINITELY not least, Kerry - When I say this girl is my other half, I mean that we were probably born as conjoined twins and separated. I absolutely love her with my entire heart. Right now, it's been three days since I've seen her and I feel so empty. She completely understands every silly little emotion I experience. We can watch the same TV show for ten straight hours and not get bored. We're not dating, but people always seem to think we are. I admire her, adore her, love her, and would do absolutely anything for her. We can talk for hours - but it seems like minutes. And yeah, we can get a little loud, but that's only because we are so comfortable being ourselves around each other. I feel like she has truly completed me. She's gotten me in touch with a side of me I've never really experienced. I have learned so much from her and gained a totally different perspective on life because of her. No matter what happens between us I will always love her and appreciate everything she has done for me. <3333
So college friendship, for me, is a lot more intense than friendships I've had in the past. We live together, love together, cry together, and exist together. We are all interconnected, and our lives intertwine perfectly. We are the pieces of a puzzle, and we complete each other and find new parts of ourselves. We go through this whole confusing mess together, and we come out together, holding hands and standing on top of the world. From the friends I have made - those listed here and those not - I have learned far more than I can comprehend or appreciate right now. But believe me when I say, the friendships I have have made this year what it is.
This poem describes how I feel about my friends here - I carry them with me, and when we are apart, I fear nothing.
"i carry your heart with me" - ee cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has only meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret no one will ever know
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or the mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the starts apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
xo,
-k
Monday, April 6, 2009
Freshman Year: Ruminations
Today is April 6, 2009. In 37 short days, I will move out of Room 460, Hardwick Hall. I will go home for the summer with teary eyes, a heavy heart, and a shitload of memories of the best year of my life, that being my freshman year at Temple University. I've learned so much this year - in the classroom, yeah, but the most valuable lessons have taken place outside the class. I have learned so much about myself and about others. And I have met the best friends I have ever had - and the best friends I ever will have. The friends that I can go to 7-11 with at any time of day. The friends that I can sing Kelly Clarkson with on Liacorous Walk and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. The friends I can tell ANYTHING to. The friends who get me to quit smoking because they don't want to see me doing something harmful. The friends who don't stop me from going out, but just tell me to be careful and that they love me. There is a novel or two I could right about each of them, but I won't do that. Just trust me when I say I love them, always have, always will.
I don't even know what to write right now. This is going to be a multi-part thing. So here we go...consider this an intro. All through April and early May, my blog will be focusing on this alone. Bear with me....
xo,
K
I don't even know what to write right now. This is going to be a multi-part thing. So here we go...consider this an intro. All through April and early May, my blog will be focusing on this alone. Bear with me....
xo,
K
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