Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

I WANT MY BOOK TO GET HERE. On Sunday night, I ordered "Hershey Herself" [Mrs. Galante's second book] off of Amazon with my last ten bucks + I REALLY want it to get here. It shipped on Tuesday, so I HOPE that it will be here tomorrow. I'm SO anxious to read it.

Novel planning is coming along well, in case anybody's interested.

WEEKEND: Reading.
Monday: Full school day, reunion party =].
Tuesday: SKIPPING SCHOOL! Friendly's for our last crowd pleaser as seniors, then going to see Sex + the City.
Wednesday-Friday: Grad practice =P.
WEEKEND: No plans yet, but let's make some.
Monday: Moving-Up Day. Congrats to the Class of 2009!
TUESDAY JUNE 10: GRADUATION. CONGRATS TO THE CLASS OF 2008! WE FUCKING DID IT.

Peace Out,
Ker

Someone Should Buy Me a Laptop

NOVEL INSPIRATION!

I must write on a laptop. I can't write on a desktop. I have motherfugging mental issues.

By the way:
It's been exactly two months today [gasp] that Joe + I called it quits. I just sort of realized it + got upset. IDK why. He's moved on and I'm almost happy for him. I guess I want it to be me. I want to be the one he loves. I'm jealous, which is petty + pointless, but it's true. I miss his hugs + his kisses + the broken curfews + the games of DDR + laying on my bed + late night phone calls about nothing. I miss the way he got me flowers and teddy bears and coffee and blueberry bread. [EDIT: We also fought over stupid crap + he made me feel like shit sometimes. But I think the good outweighed the bad.] He was my first "real" love, and life hasn't been the same without him. I wish him the best, of course, but I also resent that his best isn't with me. Is that stupid? Am I immature? Or am I just healing? I wish I knew. But I think a part of me still loves that silly boy...

Sigh.

Also: FOUR FULL SCHOOL DAYS LEFT. Seriously. Graduation is June 10th. And I'm so scared. I was so excited to graduate, and then, all these emotions crashed down on me. I've gotten so close to people that I don't want to leave them behind, and I'm scared of college. Temple is HUGE + I'm afraid that I'm going to feel all alone.

DAMN YOU, MIXED FEELINGS!!!

Yours in Perpetual Confusion,
Ker

I Wanna Write Something!

But I have no inspiration. Or no clue what to write ABOUT. Gah.

I Want to Fall in Love

Or maybe I already have, but it's not the point. I miss being in a relationship. I guess today I realized that. Knoebels was awesome, but one part sucked. Ash + Dame and Vince + Em were all couple-y, + I guess I kinda got jealous. Not of them, but of what they have. I want love.

But nobody GETS me. It's really upsetting. My past has been so traumatic that I'm so hard to handle in a relationship. I blow up over little things and get jealous really easily. I'm afraid of physical intimacy, and if you don't take the time to understand me, I get really irritated.

I just want someone who will look past all that...


Sadly,
Kerry

My Hero Is....

Cecilia Galante. You have no clue how much she means to me at all.


Yup, that's all. KNOEBEL'S IN LESS THAN NINE HOURS! <3


All my Love,
Kerry

Oh + I'd Just Like to Add...

That yesterday I said I almost felt like something needed to go wrong because I was feeling so good.


OH THE FUCKING IRONY.

AP Chemistry + Car Accidents

Welcome, one and all, to one of the worst days of my life. It all started this morning. I woke up with butterflies in my stomach [not the good kind] because the AP Chemistry test. I was so totally unprepared. And from noon - 3:30 I proved it by skipping 40 multiple choice questions and kind of bombing the free-response. Woo-freakin-hoo. So yeah, as if that didn't suck enough for one day...

When I FINALLY got out of school, I headed to the C.U. to cash my paycheck. Well, turns out I forgot it at home because I cleaned out my purse this AM + had taken it out. So I was a little annoyed, but I decided to go home anyway + get it + then go cash it. OK, so I'm driving down Academy + I stop at the intersection of Franklin + Academy at the light. There was like 3 cars in front of me + I was just jamming to some tunage when BAM! this Ford Explorer hits me from behind. Well, I pretty much immediately felt pain go down my neck + back + I was pretty freaked out, so I started to cry + shake really bad. I couldn't even talk so the lady that hit me called 911 + these cops came in like 30 seconds. They were getting her license number + stuff + then asked me what was wrong. I told them I was in OODLES of pain (not using the word oodles, but you get the idea) so they radioed the medics + I waited for the ambulance to get there. When they did, they put a cervical collar on me, rolled me onto the backboard + took me to the ER. I had to have 16 [literally] X-Rays taken of my neck + back + then I waited for a good hour + a half before they told me I was okay to go. So I just have to take lots of Motrin + ice my back + neck for a few days until I feel better.

So basically, today sucked.

Peas,
[A Very Sore] Kerry

Time for an Update?

I guess so. Hmmm...

Two weeks until graduation. Yeah, seriously. I'M SO EXCITED. I can't wait to start at Temple and be away from petty drama. I can't wait to not tutor smart-ass seventh graders anymore + I REALLY want to move on.

I've been crazy happy lately. I think FINALLY writing "Route 61" has helped. That idea had been bugging me for a good four weeks, and now that it's out here I feel pretty good. I love the concept of it. I just love it in general. For real. + I LOVE THAT I HAVE READERS. Thanks to all the cool people who have emailed me + told me that they liked my work. You seriously have no clue how much it means.

Anyway, I'm so chill, it's amazing. I guess I'm feeling TOO good. Like I almost need something to go wrong. Not like I want it to.

OH BTW. Song of the week IS:
"Weeping" -- Josh Groban

I knew a man who lived in fear
It was huge, it was angry,
It was drawing near.
Behind his house a secret place
Was the shadow of the demon
He could never face.

He built a wall of steel and flame
And men with guns to keep it tame
Then standing back he made it plain
That the nightmare would never ever rise again
But the fear and the fire and the guns remain.

It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow
He tells the world that it's sleeping
But as the night came round I heard
It slowly sound
It wasn't roaring, it was weeping
It wasn't roaring, it was weeping.

And then one day the neighbors came
They were curious to know about the smoke and flame
They stood around outside the wall
But of course there was nothing to be heard at all
"My friends," he said, "We've reached our goal
The threat is under firm control
As long as peace and order reign
I'll be damned if I can see a reason to explain
Why the fear and the fire and the guns remain."

It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow
He tells the world that it's sleeping
But as the night came round I heard
It slowly sound
It wasn't roaring, it was weeping
It wasn't roaring, it was weeping.

Say ah, say ah, say ah
Say ah, say ah, say ah

It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow
It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow

It doesn't matter now it's over anyhow
He tells the world that it's sleeping
But as the night came round I heard
It slowly sound
It wasn't roaring, it was weeping
It wasn't roaring, it was weeping.

Say ah, say ah, say ah
Say ah, say ah, say ah

Peas + cream of cauliflower soup [it's DELICIOUS!],
Kerry <3

I Never Really Needed You + I Know It...

But thanks for making it obvious anyway.

Route 61 [unedited]

Route 61

By: Kerry Myers

I lost count. Somewhere between the thousandth cup of coffee and the four hundredth turkey and Swiss on rye, I forgot how many days I had spent here. It had been a long time. I knew the regulars by heart, I could make their orders in my sleep. I know that, rain or shine, Gus would come in at 4:30 every day and order a ham and cheese sandwich on wheat with mustard and a cup of hot tea. But one thing I didn’t know that I was dying to find out was when she would walk in to my diner.

This diner had slowly become my home over these countless days. I spent each and every day here, mostly because it was less depressing than my Leesport apartment. My apartment was dark and damp, and I hated it, but the rent was reasonable and the parking was free, so I stayed. It wasn’t like I had somewhere else to be. Besides, the Route 61 Diner attracted a colorful crowd. There were my regulars, God bless their hearts, but there were also the random folk driving through Reading on their way to wherever else they might be staying. The world shifted around me, yet I stood still. Movement wasn’t worth it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I couldn’t tell.

My life was never really like this. I always looked for adventure. I worked on a cruise line for a few years, but then I decided to change. I needed a change. After my last trip to Bermuda, that was evident. A girl changed my life. She showed me human nature at its worst and she showed me the true vulnerability of the human race. When her world crashed down on the very ship where I had spent so many months, I felt like I needed to leave. There was too much attached. Her pain was in every room. The endless tears, the screams, the sleepless nights. They were all there, and I couldn’t listen to the piercing laugh of happy travelers for one more minute. I handed in my resignation and moved away from the warm weather, into Pennsylvania where the four seasons are a bitter reality and there are far more clouds than sunshine. I came for a chance to see her again, to let her know, as I had so many times before, that I am always there. No matter what.

*

It had been one of those damn spring days in Pennsylvania. Optimistic and bright skies for the morning shift, and by the time the lunch stragglers were packing up, the clouds covered the baby blue of the sky. Great. More rain. I swear to God, if this state went underwater, I wouldn’t be surprised. It rained so much here. True, I was pretty much raised in a tropical climate, so I wasn’t particularly adjusted, but still, the amount of rain here was ridiculous. It was nearing the end of dinner time, a particularly busy Friday night. A car pulled up. Tourists, I assume. They drove a large SUV and I didn’t recognize the people getting out of the car. At least not immediately. Then, the back door swung open and a pair of legs climbed out, and then hands stuffing a green iPod into a black tote bag. And then the face, the face that I had dreamt about a million times in the past year. It was her.

*

I lost my composure, in that moment. My eyes immediately welled with tears when I saw those eyes again. I still saw the pain. The man she was with – I’m assuming her father – laughed and joked with her, and she laughed along, giving him a quick hug. However, the laughter in her voice seemed insincere, the pain in her eyes were the clouds hovering over the bright blue laughter. She wasn’t over it. She swore to me that she’d be okay, yet she never was. I felt betrayed, knowing how wrong it was. I wished I could talk to her, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if she had even told her father anything. And for me, a waitress in a diner that she’s never eaten in, to go and start talking to her as if we were old friends may be weird. She would explain herself, and she would hurt all over again. I couldn’t let her walk away again.

*

Sharon took her table. She ordered our breakfast special, despite the fact that it was almost 7 P.M. She obviously didn’t care, however, as she demolished the huge plate of eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns in about five minutes. I never remembered her as being such a voracious eater, and then again, when I knew her it had been three days after her world was ripped down. She was too busy rebuilding to eat.

*

I had to refill the iceberg lettuce on the salad bar. I decided then, I would let her know. I brushed her shoulder just barely with my fingertips, and she turned. I smiled at her, and, after a moment of realization, she smiled. I saw the happiness in her eyes, and it made this past year worth it. The sun outside began to break through the clouds. She was a magical girl.

NEW WRITING COMING SOON

Whenever I finish it, I'm posting my new short story [tentatively titled "Route 61"] here! Keep an eye out.

Lurv,
Ker.

Lashing Out

AM Gym has always been an interesting class. To me, it sets the tone for the day. Usually, I'm crabby in the morning, but walking around the bleachers energizes me. Or sometimes, a good release of emotions has the same effect.

A friend of mine - actually, a BEST friend [or so I thought] - kind of pissed me off Friday night, which was the night of my senior prom. As we all know, prom is huge deal. If you don't go, well, I mean, it's pretty much a mortal sin. I know it's insane, but that's just the way it goes. Dig? Yeah. + like most people, I want to have FUN at my prom - a great, drama-free night of dancing, food, + the occasional sip of alcohol. Unfortunately, although I did have a great time at my prom, someone crossed my line.

My date Donnie + I had always been acquaintances, but never great friends. Nothing against him or anything, but we just didn't talk. Recently [somewhere around my breakup with my Joe], we began to talk more and got friendlier. As friends, we decided to go to prom together, and all was well. My friends gave the usual "OOOOH Donnie's getting someeee!" jokes + we laughed, every single time. Then, all of a sudden, Kati decides she doesn't "approve" of my date [not like I care what she thinks - considering I almost hooked up with hers] because he may or may not have said things about her cousin. WHATEVER. Nikki is in Ohio + probably could care less about what people in good ol' W-B, PA are saying about her. That's just my guess. But, you know, people can't ever keep their mouths shut. So we had talked about it at lunch and she gave up on arguing with me. Yay. But then prom arrived....

Kati was hitching a ride with me + Donnie, which I thought was totally stupid. Her date ditched her, probably because she fucks with his head all the time, so she was going alone, therefore she thought she could come with me. Blah. Anyway, I asked her NICELY not to say anything to him about the past, just let it go so we can all have a good time. Well, about five minutes after we took pictures at Donnie's house, she started. I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable + I was starting to get pissed off, but she kept going. I didn't want to cause any drama, so I was quiet + let sleeping dogs lie. Well, whatever. We got to prom + she just ignored Donnie, which was fine by me. But THEN, she was a bitch to my friend Emilee's boyfriend. Vince is probably the nicest + most polite guy I've ever met + he makes Emilee really happy. HOWEVER, Kati doesn't like him because he's 27, which, by her saintly ways, is way too old for Emilee. Whatever, I could care less. But she told him [very rudely] to shut up + told him that nobody was talking to him. Ouch.

So this morning, I finally called her on her bullshit. She - of course - denied everything, even though I heard everything she said + knew it was all true. She cried her eyes out + tried to make people feel sorry for her, which people did, which is ridiculous. When Sabrina [Emilee's cousin + another best friend] asked me why Kati was crying, I told her what had happened. Everyone agreed with me, so I don't think I'm at fault.

Not like I'd care if I was. I said what needed to be said, + I'm content.

Bye!
Kerry

Kate Nash Read My Mind When She Wrote This Song

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something


I want -that person- to feel this way about me. Dear God in Heaven, make it happen? I hate that God can't mess with free will. But only sometimes. Wow, I'm feeling musical tonight. I rarely find myself so deeply in music. But then there are those songs that so perfectly describe me, I'm kind of floored. Current list:

"Nicest Thing" -- Kate Nash [as seen above, bitches].
"A Song For Her" -- My Last Goodbye
"Stay Close, Don't Go" -- Secondhand Serenade
"They Weren't There" -- Missy Higgins
+ of course
"40 oz to Freedom" -- Sublime
Gotta love 'em. Hmm...falling in love sucks. Falling in love with someone who's taken sucks more. Having someone toy with you sucks even worse. And when all three come together. BLAH!

Life is a crazy little contraption, ain't it?

Peas,
Ker

Sprained Ankles + Wandering Minds

This week has been crazy. Last Monday at work, I slipped + fell + sprained up my ankle pretty good. Yay for Ace bandages, lots of ice + rainbow-colored ankles. Just kidding. It totally sucks. The pain is somewhat unbearable + I'm not really taking care of it as well as I should be, but I'll survive. I always do.

Prom was on Friday. It was amazing + probably the best night of my life, but in a way, it was bittersweet. I mean, it kind of hit me that there's only a month left until graduation + then high school is over. Nothing will be what it's been for the past six years. I LOVE the idea of college + moving on, but so many people that have shaped my life will still be in W-B while I'm gone in Philly. It's scary. I guess. I kind of have some mixed emotions right now.

Love sucks. I think I've mentioned that once or twice. I love somebody, right. It's somebody I've fought with in the past alot. + because I'm terrified of starting another fight, I don't want to bring up something that's bothering. But this person, IDK if they're messing with me or whatever, but this person is seeing someone. And I know it. But ... we still flirt. + IDK, they say they love me. It's crazy + IDK what to think about that either.

I'm a nut, I know.

Peas,
Ker.

Listening to: "Everything" -- Michael Buble
Mood: Crazy =]